Fun things to do to stupid neighbors

by: Delta Burke

This little article is everyone out there who is a next door neighbor who

is, in your mind, the worlds biggest asshole. I have neighbors that fit

into this catergory perfectly. You know the ones, stereo up louder than

hell in the middle of the night, water their lawn during a drought, etc...

Well take heart, because I have just the answer for such idiots.

1) Next time they go away on vacation, or even for just the weekend, call

the utility company, Ma Bell(or whoever the phone co is.), and the cable�

company. Using their name(obviously), tell them to shut off the

respective utilities, since your are going on a trip for about a month.

Most of the time, they wont ask for any other info except for phone

number. If they ask for anything else, just hangup quickly and forget it�

as it isnt too easy to explain why you dont know your own social

security number. If all works well(and it usually does), they will come

home to a fridge full of bad food, plus no heat or air conditioning and

cable tv and phone. Pretty nice, huh?

2) If they leave on vacation, and you are a hacker/phreak/BBS'er, here is

your chance for free phone calls to everywhere! Simply go into their

yard and locate their phone box. Using your lineman's phone(or a regular�

phone with alligator clips instead of a modular plug), find the active

phone line inside the box. Run a shit load of wire back to your house,

thru your window, etc... Install a modular plug on your end and plug it

into your modem. Now make all the long distance calls you want. Don't

worry, those of your with a heart, the neighbor's wont get billed for

the calls after they call Ma Bell and claim that they didnt make them.

Most of the time they will let you of the hook.

3) One night, after the neighborhood is asleep, sneak over into the

target's yard. Proceed to turn on ONE faucet, so that water is gushing

out all over the place. The value of this joke is that the target's

water bill will be outrageous after about 3-4 nights of this, especially�

during drought season.

4) If you have the asshole neighbor who has the stereo on LOUD at all hours

and the police wont do shit(what else is new), here is the solution.

Sneak into the yard, and find the breakerbox. If the stereo is up this

loud, they wont hear you in the yard. Locate the switch that matches the

room that the stereo is in. Or the closest to. Flip the switch and run

like hell back to the house. Or if you are more daring, sit in the

bushes oe something and watch them come out. Most of the time, it will

take doing this 2-3 times before they turn down the stereo.But its worth�

it when you have to sleep.

5) Do your neighbor's have a barking dog? If so, heres the solution.

A) Call the pound repeatedly, using another neighbor's name and address,�

but your number. Call at least twice a night for about a week. The

complaints will stack up, and the target's will most likely have to pay

a healthy fine.

B) Get a package of hot dogs and any kind of medicine that induces

shitting, like Exlax(you will have to melt it down). Pour the secret

agent shit inducing substance on the hot dogs, then toss them over the

fence to the dog. If it is a small dog, I suggest throwing one at a time�

as little dogs don't eat as much as big dogs. Spot or Fido or whatever

the hell his name is will be shitting EVERYWHERE for days. Loads of fun

for the target.

6) Kill their lawn. This can be achieved with any kind of poison, paint

thinner, or even piss. Simply pour as much of the stuff as you can all over�

the lawn and wait a few days to a week. Lovely brown spots will start to

show. Nice effect.

7) Do they have a CB radio that interferes with your tv?

Use the old standby. When they are not home, sneak over and shove large

straight pins into the coaxial cable to the antenna. Next time Joe

Dickhead keys up will be his last time. This easy trick works due to the�

fact that it shorts the cable together. When he keys up, it will blow

the CB right off the table.

8) Do they park in your driveway or in front of it? My neighbors have

teenage kids who have teenage friends who parked in front of the

driveway. I fixed that by taking some large nails(about 4 inches long)

and placed them on each side of their tires at a 45 degree angle. Two

per side, heads on pavement, points to tires. When they drive off,

instant flats on all four tires. Try to get them to not park there

asking first. If they don't care to listen, then use the nail trick.

9) Other easy and annoying tricks:

Use JB Weld or any other metal weld substance on their mailbox door.

Unscrew all the light bulbs on the outside of their house just enough so�

they won't light.

If they have an annoying cat, capture it and take it about 10 miles away�

from where you live and let it go.

Get some cow or horse shit and place it in a large paper bag. Place on

porch and light on fire. Then ring door bell.

If they have a hot tub or pool, get some goldfish and place them in it.

If you can get some lake or river fish, they work even better.

Place small rocks inside the hubcaps on their most used car. The effect

is awesome. They will go crazy from the sound.

If you get into their car, place a heavy guage jumper wire from the horn�

to the brake switch behind the pedal. The result is the horn honking

everytime they step on the brake pedal. A sure fire winner.

If you are daring, capture a skunk and let it loose in their yard. Just

think about the fun this one can make.

Have fun and don't get caught! Delta Burke Jan 1991

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Y O U R

N E I G H B O R

PART 1


written by:
amorphous
`````````

INTRODUCTION
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you have a jerk neighbor that makes your life miserable? Loud music 2
o'clock in the morning, fire crackers late at night, their kids ringing
your doorbell and running, their CB Radio interfering with your TV and
Radio, their grill cooking crap that smells up the block, their dog
barking at you every time you come out your back door, mowing their lawn
early Sunday morning, and your house very hot because they cut down that
nice big maple tree shading your yard. This is what I always had to put
up with. These series of files will discuss different ways to get back
at them.

DISCLAIMER
~~~~~~~~~~

I think you know.

THEIR GRASS
~~~~~~~~~~~

If you throw a rock at their window, it won't do much good because it
only takes a couple of hours to fix and costs very little money. What do
I recommend? The grass.

Get a container of bleach, poke a few holes where the cover is with a
nail, and you have yourself a bleach sprinkler. Go out about 2:30 in the
morning and sprinkle it all over their lawn. In 1-2 days, they'll have
hay instead of grass.

Alka Seltzer
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another way to destroy the lawn is to make it look like the dog did it.
Put a couple or a few of these in the dog's water. In a couple of
minutes, there will be mud all over your neighbors lawn (it's not mud).
One of your neighbors might even slip in it and fall down. They'll think
it's mud until they smell it. (Make sure all windows in your house are
closed if the wind is blowing that way.)
For more stuff on alka seltzer, I recommend reading ALKA SELTZER FUN.
It's good.

Cock Roaches
~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have a bad problem in your house with some of these, no problem.
Don't kill them; just put them around your neighbor's house and let them
do what their supposed to do. (If they have a long-wooden stairway going
towards their front door, I recommend putting a whole bunch of them
there.)

This is the end of YOUR NEIGHBOR PART 1. Look out for YOUR NEIGHBOR PART
2.

Y O U R

N E I G H B O R

PART 2

by:
amorphous
`````````

INTRODUCTION
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you read part 1 of YOUR NEIGHBOR. This file will discuss what you
can do to his cable and what to do when you're invited over for a
cookout. Just read this and get some pretty good ideas. By the way, I
take no responsibility for the miss use of this article. There. Now go
make your neighbor's life miserable.

CABLE
~~~~~

You can only do this to his cable at about 4:00 in the morning. Because
if you do it at 1 or 2 in the morning, he's probably one of those types
that watches TV while he's sleeping. Be careful. Look around his house
to see where his main TV is. When you get to that room, look around the
outside of his house for the cable connection. It should be this tiny
splicer about 2 inches big. There's probably 3 wires going through it.
Cut all of them and run.

Another thing you could do to annoy him is to take all of them out, then
replace them in all different places. He'll turn on the TV in the
morning only to find he doesn't have cable. He'll go outside and see
everything looks fine with the cable splice, then call Media One over and
pay money to see what is wrong.

COOKOUT
~~~~~~~~

If he's a dumb neighbor, he'll invite you over for a cookout. Put some
gunpowder in his grill. (Too much will kill him). Put in a little bit
just to scare him half to death.

If you say you have to go to the bathroom and he invites you inside, here
are some extremely annoying things to do:

1) Put the gas on in his stove
2) Steal ALL of his glasses
3) Sprinkle water inside his computer
4) Turn his heat all the way up
5) Turn all of his clocks two hours ahead
6) Steal all of his dictionaries
7) Unscrew all of the bulbs in his house
8) Everything else you can think of

IF YOU WANT TO CAUSE PAIN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This will hurt. Take his hairdryer and cut of the plastic where the wire
is. Now, both wires should be completely showing. Rap another wire
around both wires tight so you're absolutely sure both wires are
connecting. Now get some tape to match the cord and rap it around the
place that you cut so it can hold the wire on and so it won't be
noticeable. The second he plugs in his hairdryer, he will get a huge
shock straight from the outlet, it will start sparking and smoking and
the inside of his walls will catch on fire.

Another thing you could do, is put some acid in his shampoo bottle.
Ouch.

This concludes YOUR NEIGHBOR PART 2. Look out for YOUR NEIGHBOR PART 3.

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