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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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A Guide to Shoplifting!
-----------------------
DISCLAIMER:
///////////
The author of this file is not responsible for any of the
actions taken by the reader of this file. This is for
informational purposes only.

A GUIDE TO SHOPLIFTING:
/ ///// // ////////////

Since I started working at a grocery store, I have learned many
techniques to shoplifting. I have learned some stuff by the mistakes
made by several shoplifters, and others by experiment.

RULE 1 : NEVER NEVER NEVER try to steal something at a store you
frequently shop at. That is just plain stupid. If you
really want something bad enough, then spend a little
gas money. Hey, its better than buying the product you
are about to lift.

RULE 2 : Don't act suspicious or nervous. Employees aren't stupid.
They know that if you are acting nervous, then you are
usually up to something bad.

RULE 3 : Try to steal from stores without video survaliance.
This is by far the safest way to do things.

RULE 4 : DO NOT be GREEDY! Take a little at a time. And take
things that will fit in your pocket or purse. Bigger
items are harder to get away with.

RULE 5 : Try not to hit the same stores over and over. Have some
variety in your life. You will be less likely to be
caught if you don't frequently go to the same place.

RULE 6 : Do NOT be fooled by cameras with the name SVS. These are
fakes! They do nothing but sit there. They look real
by the way they have a cable going into a wall, and are
plugged in and have a red light on, but they are still
fake. GUARANTEED!

RULE 7 : Do NOT be stupid enough to steal around other shoppers.
I have seen many instances where the employees never
saw a person shoplift, but a customer had turned a
shoplifter in, and the customers word is just as
incriminating as the employees.

RULE 8 : Many times if someone sees you trying to shoplift, they
will start following you around. Calmly place the stuff
back on the shelf, any shelf! They really can't get you
as long as you haven't walked by a register, and start
walking out the door, because until you start walking out
the door, you still could have intent to pay, and if they
do pick you up for shoplifting before you walk out the door,
your case most likely will not hold up in court. Many
lawyers have freed many shoplifters because of that. If
they pick you up. Start telling them you haven't had a
chance to pay, and that they can not pick you up for
shoplifting, until you have a chance to pay, or walk out
the door! Just act like you know what you are talking about!

RULE 9 : When you start walking out the door and you see someone
following you, then run for dear life. Most of the
time you can get away. If you have a get-a-way car waiting,
then be sure that the license plate is covered up. All it
takes is for someone to write down the license plate number
to get you caught.

RULE 10 : If by any chance you are caught trying to flee, try and
wrestle your way out, but BE CAREFUL! Do not injure the
person who is trying to catch you, let alone threaten them.
If you just so happen to scratch them, the penalty goes from
theft to Assult and Robery, which means a bigger fine, or
more time!

RULE 11 : Have someone waiting with bail money in case you get
caught. *8-)

Now on to some ways to shoplift.

Method 1 :

This is probably the easiest method. Get a friend of yours to
go to a store with you. Have him/her act very very suspicous. When an
employee sees someone acting suspicous the key in on that person. Soon
they will have everyone in that store watching him/her. Then you go
where ever the merchandise is, and steal away. You leave with whatever you
wanted, and then your friend leaves soon after, feeling good that he/she
has just fooled a store full of idiots.

Method 2 :

If you are a woman, then get a big purse. Empty it out, and
pick the lucky victim. This works good at places with shopping carts.
Place your purse in the section where children sit. Usually located at
the front of the basket. Have your purse open at this point. Go around
the store looking at whatever you like. When you find the item, pick it
up, look at it, and casually sit it down like you are putting it in the
basket, but instead of putting it in the basket, put it in your purse.

Method 3 :

Grocery stores are probably the easiest to hit. Most have low
security if any. Only problem, is that most people think the only thing
you can get at a grocery store is food. WRONG!! Go over to the more
expensive area, HBA (Health & Beauty Aids). There is gold there.
Get everything from Advil to Obsession Cologne. You ask yourself,
why do i need 80 boxes of Advil? Take one box for yourself, then go
sell the rest to friends, or take the stuff to a Flea Market, set yourself
up a booth, and sell away. Most boxes of Advil cost around $8-$10 each.
You sell for $5, and instant profit. But be careful in the HBA area, that
is usually where the security will be, if any!. I have seen many stores,
with out any cameras in the grocery area, but one camera in the ceiling in
the HBA area. So just pick up the stuff, put it in the basket, carry it
over to the grocery side, and take it! Another good thing to take from
grocery stores is cigarettes. A carton is getting close to $20 each. So take
yourself a few, and sell to your friends/family for about $10-$15. Good
profit there. Or if you are into that nasty habit, keep them for yourself.

Method 4 :

Whenever you need to get film developed, or prescriptions filled,
then take it to your favorite grocery store. After you get your prescription
and/or film, tell the clerk that you are going to do some more shopping.
Walk around the store a little, then walk out the door. A good idea is
to have a receipt from an old purchase. carry it in one hand, then carry
the goods in the other. That way the look at you, see the receipt, and
think that you payed for it.

Method 5 :

A good way to get free fertilizer, top soil, etc., is to go by
your favorite nursery or whoever carries the stuff outside. Give them a
visit about 3 a.m. or so, and fill up your truck or car. The best way to
do this is to have someone driving, while you fill it up. If someone
comes out of the store (like a night stocker) and confronts you, jump in
the back of the truck, and tell your friend to take off. Be sure to have
you license plate covered up.


CONCLUSION :
////////////
Stores today are not there for you. They are there for themselves.
They may claim low prices, but in all truth the merchandise is usually marked
up 200% or more. I have seen some instances where cologne has been marked
up 450%. This is outrageous. Why should we pay those kind of prices, when
we can get it for free! Many stores may claim that shoplifting increases
prices, although the real reasons for price increases is the Upper Division,
who wants more added onto their 6 and 7 digit yearly salaries. So don't
be fooled by that stupid warning. And remember Robin Hood, steal from the
rich (THEM) and give to the poor (YOU, even if you aren't poor heh!).


-Max Headroom of VIRaXe


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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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How Do I Validate?
------------------

Do you ever wonder how sysops of private boards validate?
Beyond new user questionaires and validation letters, do you know
what they look for? What goes through their mind? If you are a sysop
then you probably know, but if not, then this might help you look
at it from a different point of view. The following is a small
letter I recieved in answer to that question. Think about it.

---

I get alot of people asking me how I validate, and why I care so
much about it. It may just be me, but I think that a user should have
to 'earn' has access, and it is not given to him. I like this because
it give users more respect for the board, and makes them understand
that access is a priviledge, not a right. It also gives me a better
idea of who I am dealing with. Alot of people claim that I have an
'elitist' additude, but they are just pissed because they can't get
an account.
Another reason I do it is because I think BBSing is getting really
lame. New people start daily, and it just seems that CyberSpace is being
corrupted by assholes, and other people that act like they run the place.
I would tell them to fuck off, but I am too nice for that. I guess this
is what I am tring to say. I am trying to make a haven for people that
have been around a while, and know what they are doing, to not have to
endure the same old bullshit, and be able to chat with users that they
can't on other places. If that makes me an 'elitist', then fuck you.
Why should a user have more respect for my board then another?
Well, considering that I have over 5000 files, and lots of other stuff
that only my board has in this area code. I also have alot of LD
callers that pay for their charges, and they deserve a decent chance
to get on. They also don't need to see the local BS that is on all
the other BBSes.

When I validate, the first thing I do is look where they are calling
from. I have more respect for a user that is paying for the charges. If
they say they are calling LD, then I check out the AC with the City they
claim to be calling from. If they don't match, I delete them on the spot.
Then I look at the New User Information. I look at where they got the
NUP, and if it is a board, or net, I try to remember posting something
like that. If It is a person, I attempt to mail them, to ask where they
got it from.
Then I look at the boards they use as references, and if they exist.
If they do exist, then I try to call them within the month to check. If
they are dipshits, and but boards with numbers like XXX-PRI-VATE, I will
delete them on the spot.
I look at how many users they claim that they have been modeming. I
like users that have been around, simply because I don't have to answer
alot of stupid questions. (I really hate 'Where are the GaMeZ D0oD?')
If they run a board, I make an attempt to call it within the month,
just to make sure. I also look at what software they run, the more complex,
the more it proves they know. (WWiV is not complex)
Then I look at the ancroyms. I see how many of them they knew, and
how many they skipped/bullshited. The more they BSed on, the more it counts
against them, it just shows what assholes they are. If they left some blank,
it shows that they are willing to admit that they don't know something.
Then I look at the felonious activities that they claim to be involved
in. I see if they know what they are talking about. I have more respect for
a CyperCriminal. I dunno, I just thinks it shows that they are smart enough
to do it, and not get caught.
Next I look at the groups they claim to be affiliated with. I try to
find some info on this group somewhere, like what they do, how large they,
are, etc. I almost always delete people that are stupid, and put things like
'Fox Kids Club' --- Thats just stupid.
I then look at what they want from the board. If they want warez or
games, it doesn't count against them, but I do mail them informing them
that I don't have anything like that. If they have nothing to offer, odds
are they will be on a ratio of some sort.
Then I look at the validation. I just look at it, and see what they have
to say. Sometimes, some people just come off cool, and I will raise there Sl
for it.
The last thing I do is to see if I can remember the user slamming the
board in the past. Hypocrites suck so I delete them.

---

This was written by a sysop in 806 who runs a private board.

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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Support Your Local Police, Beat yourself up!

Many people have long since forgotten how to, or realize the importance of
conduct when dealing with police officers. Now at a time when it seems to
be detrimental, people have been willing to give up there rights for
security. The law officers, are no longer aware of how to do things by the
book, they tend to make up the book as the go along in alot of instances,
and us being ill informed citizens, pay the price for ignorance. I know
what you are probably thinking, if you know who or where I come from, how
can someone in a small hick town that boast a whopping pop. of 30k have
problems with police. Well it so happens that our police force has the
current highest pullover rate in the nation. Why you ask, we have a nice
stretch of interstate 10 between Houston and Florida, and literally make
millions and millions of dollars in drug busts. This may sound great to
the mass public, but the part you don't hear about is how the police make
profile stops. If you are any race beside white, have an out of state
liscence plate, or heavily tinted windows, and pass through here chances
are 99 to 1 that you will be stopped for a minor traffic violation such as
improper lane usage, weaving, or any other bullshit that is impossible to
argue in court. Then the officer will ask to search you vehicle...see this
is what gets me.. people seem to have forgotten that you have the right
to REFUSE a search, and believe me they won't get a warrant, unless you have
drugs, or if you pretty much convince them that you are involved in a crime,
they CAN'T get a warrant. I have had people actually tell me that cops can
search any vehicle anytime they want, or search anything for this manner.
How could one be so ignorant of their 4th Ammendment right, without it this
would be WWII germany, with police doing random house searches. Anyhow, a
cop cannot ever search your car without either your consent or a warrant, or
if a drug dog "hits", that is equivallent to a warrant. The police in this
area stopped such people on profile stops around christmas on their way to
visit realtives, after these people gave consent, police would open there
presents, search their car.. then let the one's without drugs go.. a
complete invasion of privacy. When I realized what was happening in my
town that's when I decided to make a stand and educate myself on police
dealings so here are a few tips.

Never show an officer any type of identification or tell him who you are
until he makes clear why he wants to see it. It is in your every right
to know why someone wants to know who your are, and it is also NOT illegal
to not carry an i.d. Thank god we don't have to show our papers. The reason
for this is because an officer will log you as being somewhere and
if a crime is committed your are the #1 suspect. They must have probable
cause to require you to prove identification.

Never volunteer information to cops.. simply answer yes or no, don't tell
them where you came from or where you going, it's none of their business,
and they will only try to use this info against you to pin you to something
or who knows you might give out some info that could get you or someone
else busted.. make any answer short and sweet, do not elaborate at all, and
if you don't want to answer something, you don't have to it's your 1st and
5th ammendment rights.

Never make firtative movements around officers, these are movements that
make you look like your up to something, cops are trained to pick up these
movements, if you and your friends are in a car and they say, "Hey, a cop
is behind us" and you all turn around to look he will pull you over, you
have just made a firtative movement and he is going to fuck with you hard.

Don't be afraid to stand up to officers, tell them, "Hey, I know my shit,
you can't do that, gimme your badge number" File a report if you have to, I
have. Study the bill of rights so you can quote them to an officer, a cop
will really lay off you whenever he see that you know your shit and are not
some snotty nosed ignorant prick.

Don't let scare tactics intimidate you. Whenever cops don't get there way
they are trained to use scare tactics. They will get loud and threating, to
try and scare information out of you, this puts them in a position of power
above you, remain calm, ask him to speak in a calm manner, and explain that
there is no need to yell. DO NOT get scared and try and give him info so
he will just lay off. Also, don't be afraid when they tell you, "I am
going to bring you to jail", or "I am going to arrest you" they also are
trained to say this.. See whenever people hear the word "jail" or "arrest"
they get scared.. you and I both know this cop can't bring you to jail if
you haven't done anything wrong, so just say, "Ok, bring me to jail if you
see it necessary, what's the charge" they won't have one if you are in the
clear. He will soon realize that it's not working and give up.

Never let an officer search anything of yours without a warrant. Cops love
to search people's shit without reason. Refuse all searches. Tell them it
is my constitutional right. They will probably say, 'Why, you got something
to hide" then tell them, "The supreme court has ruled exercision of a right
is not grounds for suspection or probable cause", this will get their
panties in a roar. I know it's easier and alot less time consuming if your
are clean to just let them search your car, but hey guess what they use to
pull me over all the time, and now since I won't let them, they have given
up, they know they can't get in my car, so they don't even bother. Plus,
nothing is nicer than having a cop call the drug dogs wasting 3 hours for
absolutely nothing, they don't get what they want and you get to laugh.
Also, you never know what's legal and what's not, or what if they find
something in your car that you didn't know was there, the fact remains
without a warrant they have no grounds to search your car or invade your
privacy.

If you have been busted, then shut up, don't tell the cops anything,
refuse to make a statement, and never believe a cop when he tells you that
if you let him search your car, or tell him you did it they will go easier
on you. Cops have no bargaining power. In the end they can't do shit for
you, only the D.A. can. If you confess to a cop your case is over with, your
fucked, no chance of a lawyer getting you off. Tell them that you won't make
a statement without first speaking with a lawyer. Don't let them put you
in a world of hurt.

In closing I strongly advise you to take these precautions to just protect
yourself. I have been thrown in jail, made to stand in freezing rain, and
even been escourted around town, just because I stood up for my rights. The
fact remains, now that I have, that cop may have learned something, my
privacy wasn't invaded, and lots of police now have reports filed against
them so if they get caught harrasing other people in the same manner it
won't be so easy to cover up. The city police do not know the law well,
alot of them are completey unaware of the bill of rights, and a cop can
and will get away with anything you let him. If no one questions his
methods, then they go unnoticed and some poor ignorant fool will go to jail
for a bullshit charge. The police are becoming heavily armed, less
educated, and it seems the mass consensis of them, after dealing with
the criminal element for so long, just outright don't believe that not all
people are committing crimes.

If anyone ever needs any questions answered about the legality of what
an officer has done, or would just like to know if they may be threating
their freedom by doing something write me e-mail and I will do my best to
find out. You can reach me at Lettus@music.mcneese.edu. Or if you just
want to talk to me to find out if I really did fuck your mom go ahead and
write me.

Lettus B

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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Anarchy's Guide to Life
-----------------------

Chapter 1 - Introduction

Well, welcome to my guide to life. First off, life sucks. It has its good
points, but if you look at it as a whole, it sucks. You need to know a few
things to get through it, and I'm here to provide you with that information.
Well, there are gonna be some things in here that you may not like hearing.
And this text will probably be on television sometime, possibly being called
bad or evil, but everything in this text is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH AS I KNOW IT.
It may not be what everyone tells you, or discusses with you, but it IS THE
TRUTH AS I KNOW IT. Believe it if you want, however, as I also believe in
complete freedom of thought and information.


/�NARCHY


Chapter 2 - Cheating

Have your parents told you "Cheaters never win..."? Well, they almost always
win. And they'll end up getting better grades than non-cheaters, leading to
better jobs, and helping them gain things that those who do not cheat might
never afford. They'll have better cars, better homes, more money, and perhaps
many other things. Do yourself a favor and cheat. Cheat on tests, of every
kind, and do not get caught, and you will be much better off because of it.
Some good advice though: If you score over 90% on a test, there's no need to
cheat. And if you're going to cheat, start small, and do what works, because
if you get caught, you're dead.


Chapter 3 - Education

School: Does it suck? Of course it sucks. The whole system isn't working and
yet it's still being labeled as being "not screwed-up enough" to fix. Well,
the only real education you need is the one you get from experience. Yeah,
that's right, good old fashioned experience. Go through something enough times
and you'll learn to deal with it, or even use it to your best advantage. This
is why lab experiments and hands-on training are the most important parts of
a persons education. If you learn only through textbooks and lectures, you'll
never learn anything that'll really help you, and you might even become so
bored that you'll forever dislike the subject you're learning about. A good
thing to do is when you get bored of a subject, ask the person teaching you
about it, nicely, when you're going to need that subject when you get older.
You may actually get a very nice response. If you don't (like an answer that
includes something like 'if you go into the field of...') tell the teacher
you won't be going into that field, or any like it, and ask if you can sleep
or leave during that subject's teaching.


Chapter 4 - Money

Money is everything. If you examine it closely, you can buy anything with it
including love. I believe I'll be asked to explain this, so I'll do that now.
You use money to go out with people, to buy them things (that might "show your
affection"), to pay for your actions that prove your love, to pay for your
wedding, engagement rings, anniversary presents, etc... Money is good for
everything. The problem is that it's usually very hard to legally get money.
You could work, and that's not what I meant was hard. The hard part is trying
to find a decently paying job that you like, or even can tolerate. Most of
all people who work dislike their jobs, but do them anyway because they've
had a lot of trouble finding a job before and don't want to be unemployed.
Some good ways to get money are to collect things that are worth a small
amount of money and selling them when they become very popular, to sell
old toys and objects you no longer need or use anymore. Toys are usually good
for this, as are books, but don't rule out anything.


Chapter 5 - Freedom

You are not free. If you were free, you wouldn't have to go to school, or do
anything that you, as a free-minded individual, do not want to do. You are
forced to learn little or nothing significant every day on the news and in
the newspapers. You are not free to carry a weapon without a license. If
you go to Rat Shack (A.K.A. Radio Shack) they'll ask for your name and address
and a lot of other information, except if you try to buy things that could be
used to commit a crime, they probably won't sell them to you, or use the
information to help convict you of a crime. A lot of people double-park, but
it's still illegal. If someone tries to hurt you, and you hurt them before
they can hurt you, you could go to jail and they could go free. You are not
free.


Chapter 6 - Fear

The best motivation and only true motivation is fear. People are afraid of
many things in life, and it always affects the way they live and act. People
tend not to sit next to people they think are suspicious in public places.
If you dress differently than the rest of society, or act strangely, people
will tend to be afraid of you. If you are repeatedly bothered by a specific
type of person, whether it's their race, color, number of appendages, you will
act differently towards that type of person. As a child, parents will attempt
to rid you of fear, telling you that you have nothing to worry about, and
that they'll protect you. But they are wrong. They cannot protect you. Your
local police cannot protect you. You are the only person who can protect YOU.
You should fear your police, your government, and anyone else who has some
effect on how your life is run besides you.


Chapter 7 - The Media

Hey, take a guess at who controls your mind. That's right, the media. Not
really books, or magazines even, but those whose job it is to tell you the
news. Newspapers, Radio shows, and Television are all affecting the way you
think. If you watch the news, then you will believe the news unless you take
a stand and realize that news programs want you to watch them. They give you
what you want, and they show you what you want to see. If you want to see less
violence in society, then that's what they will show you. If you are hearing
a lot about technology, then they will do a story on technology, and offer a
viewpoint or information about technology that you will think only they have.
In a news report about software piracy, the only person they questioned to
have both his voice changed AND his face blacked out was put in jail for one
and a half years, for "hacking"..???? What the hell does hacking have to do
with piracy? Is this supposed to make him an authority, on something he has
know idea about? The media is ignorant and manipulative.


Chapter 8 - Wake up

In case you don't know it, all niceties in society are lies. There is no Santa
Claus, and there is no Easter Bunny. There is no savior and there is no cure.
Society is breaking down, and instead of working to rebuild it, the smart are
protecting themselves from it, and the weak are constantly pumping an illusion
of peace into society. Arm yourself. Arm yourself and learn about survival and
protection. And protect yourself, and those you love, because society IS going
to come down.


Chapter 9 - Speak free

Be vulgar. Go ahead and say those words which were formally or are still not
acceptable to come out of your mouth. Release the built up tension, and the
long lost animality, and be vulgar. Learn your rights, and push, push, push
them to their limits, and then build new limits. You must do this or your
rights will slowly and quietly be taken away from you.


Chapter 10 - Justice

Justice does not exist in today's society. No matter how much you work at
something, you'll always be run-over by someone who worked less to get more,
through the ignoring of rules, and laws. If you want something, take it. You
can buy it, but if you deserve it, and you cannot gain it any other way, then
take it. Our government is not working. Don't spend your life trying to make
it better, because it won't work. Either work around it, or work to destroy
it, but feeble attempts to change government (which is now a self-feeding
monster) will not work. You will fail. It used to work with us, the people,
but it does not. It does not need us to survive, and if we get in it's way,
it will trample on us.


Chapter 11 - Fun

Y'know what's fun? Violence, sex, drugs, alcohol, and vandalism. Go out, get
some drugs or alcohol, and mess up your mind. It feels good. Or be a bit more
safe and commit acts of violence or vandalism. Do you go to school? Well, go
to an "Animal Rights"-type club and eat hot dogs. Rip down posters, and draw
pentagrams all over the place. Erase stuff on other peoples' computers. Go
into stores and unplug, misplace, and break things. Call up as many phone
numbers as you can and prank them. When people ask you questions, give them
wrong answers, and when they ask how you got that answer, or why, tell them
"Satan told me" or "The voices in my head tell me to kill". Call every single
company you come across and ask for free things. Spend their money. If they
refuse, tell them that they suck, and you won't buy anything else from them.
And of course, for the greatest fun, have lots and lots of sex. But protect
yourself. After all, no one cares about you, but you.


Chapter 12 - Death

We all will die someday, and when we do, it will be a dark, lonely, and cold
time. We all die alone, and if you think you're going to be saved, or brought
to "heaven" or a utopia, you can forget about it. If heaven existed, then
why would the Pope want a bullet-proof car with bodyguards surrounding it?
Is he afraid to die, and go to HEAVEN??? What the hell is wrong with this
society? Wake up! You will die eventually (unless SCIENCE saves you) and you
will join your ancestors, in a hole in the ground. But if your life is so
bad that you'd rather not live, then don't get your head filled with lies
about trying to find jesus, or smelling the roses. Kill yourself.


ANARCHY

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The Art of Begging
------------------


Begging is a method by which one can procure the funds necessary to
sustain one's self virtually indefinitely, at almost no personal cost, except
humiliation. By utilizing proper begging technique, very good yield can be
obtained. The main discourse which will be covered in this tutorial, and by
far the most important in the actual begging procedure, will be the proper
mental manipulation of the Funder (he who funds the Beggar) by the truly
skilled Student of Procurement Arts, or the Beggar. These skills have long
proven themselves invaluable when exercised in the correct locale, at the
proper time interval.


Part 1: (in)Famous Beggars

The art of begging is not a new one, but one which has been practiced
for many a year, by many a once poor, (or even once rich) and currently
extremely prosperous soul. Many a Beggar have found within begging the means
to obtain houses otherwise unavailable to their childhood friends who decided
to choose the unfortunately straight path in life, and actually work for their
income. These suckers now live in the trash neighborhoods, while the Beggars
are able to afford mansions in the plush, inner-city playgrounds of the rich.

Case Study #1:
Locale: San Fransisco, California
Beggar Type: Beat Box Dancer
Beggar Name: Unknown
Beggar's Racial Background: Black
Information: This Beggar dances in San Fransisco on the harbor, on a
milk box. He has a boom box playing rap tunes, and whenever someone drops
money within the overturned box at his feet, he does a little "robotic" dance
to the rap tune, complete with servo and engine noises emitted from his mouth.
This probably mainly works because of his black racial background--he is able
to keep to the beat of the tune, and not mess up his dance. He dresses
slightly shabbily when he works, but it is known that he owns a mansion in
wine country, as well as a yacht in the harbor. This man is a true example
of proper begging skills.

Case Study #2:
Locale: Denver, Colorado
Beggar Type: Story Teller
Beggar Name: Unknown
Beggar's Racial Background: Apparently White
Information: While traversing the 16th Street Mall in Denver, we came
across several Beggars of all types, yet none seemed to know proper begging
skills, and would simply request money of our party. Eventually, we were
approached by a man who did, in fact, know his skills, and was very proficient
at the practicing thereof. Instead of requesting monetary funds immediately
of our group, he began with a story of his demise, beginning with a horrible
drug addiction, highlights in clinics, and the military, and ending when his
social security was no longer redeemable, and he was finally forced to live
out his days on the streets. He claimed to have finally reformed, and kicked
the drug habit, and just wanted a few dollars to buy a meal. How could anyone
refuse someone like this after he took the time to tell a story like that?
(Took over 4 minutes!) Excellent technique.

Case Study #3:
Locale: Washington, D.C.
Beggar Type: Pamphlet Seller
Beggar Name: Unknown
Beggar's Racial Background: Black
Information: Free pamphlets are available throughout the D.C. area for
tourists, such that they can know which tourist sites to visit while they're
in the area. This Beggar took advantage of the situation, and turned it
around such that these "free" pamphlets would give him much income. By
obtaining large stacks of these free pamphlets from their distribution
centers, and then offering them for sale on the street, he was able to create
his own personal business opportunity. He approached our group wearing a
brightly colored outfit, and offered us pamphlets for $5 each. Seeing that
these were the same pamphlets I could obtain from my hotel, I declined his
offer, but realized that most tourists would not, as they have not the
intellect to do so. Doing some quick calculations, I determined that in
a good location, during the day, with only 100 tourists passing per hour,
and 75 of these purchasing the pamphlets, our Beggar could make $375 per
hour! In a better location, such as in between some of the Smithsonian
buildings, our Beggar may be able to encounter as many as 400-500 tourists
per hour, perhaps with a bit lower tourist:purchase ratio, and make as much
as $1250 per hour! This technique is obviously enhanced even more greatly
when our Beggar reinvests his funds and creates an appearance for himself
as if he works for the city, such that he will gain the trust of the
Funders. This technique is, perhaps, the best available for quick
profiteering through semi-legal, and/or begging means. By working in a
prime spot for only two-three hours a day, this Beggar could procure more
funds in one day than a large percentage of the population makes in one MONTH!

Case Study #4:
Locale: Denver, Colorado
Beggar Type: Gimme A Quarter
Beggar Name: David
Beggar's Racial Background: Apparently White
Information: David has enough money provided by his parents to afford
medial needs, and definitely lives well above sustenance level. However, when
pocket cash becomes low in supply, David has found a way to purchase what he
needs without breaking into his bank funds. By asking for a quarter--no more,
no less, from those he passes in the hall of George Washington High School, he
is able to appeal to the fact that most don't consider amounts less than one
dollar to be of great value. David has been able to make up to five dollars in
less than ten minutes, a very nice yield for a small-time, low-level Beggar.
David is also a good example of how a Beggar must present the correct
atmosphere to his Funder for good usage of his begging skills. Recently,
while begging, David accidentally opened his hand, which happened to be full
of funds he had procured, while soliciting a possible Funder. This was his
major mistake, as, upon seeing that David already had sufficient funds in hand,
the Funder had a change of heart, and gave David instead, an offer to kiss
her ass. Small time begging is great for those moments in which the Beggar
has plenty of funds in the bank, but isn't in the mood to visit the ATM
machine.


Part 2: Begging Methodology

Now that we have reviewed some techniques of frequent, and skilled
Beggars, we will break these down and form a general plan from which all
begging solicitation can take place. This plan will enable the prospective
user to form his own mold, specific to his particular situation and begging
needs.
As seen in Case Study #1 and Case Study #3, the Dancer and the Seller,
respectively, Funders who have large pockets want to get something in return
on occasion. The Dancer gave his Funders a bit of entertainment value, namely
the music from his box, and his robot dance, which can be seen to be of slight
interest to those with nothing better to do with their time. The Seller, on
the other hand, offered his funders a tangible good, the pamphlet which he
attempted to pawn off upon them. This allowed the Funders a feeling that they
had actually procured something of value for their money, and were not simply
putting it into an empty expenditure. This helps when begging, because many
Funders wish to know where their Funds are headed.
We can break down these skills even further, by stating that most
basic skills that a potential Beggar may posses can be utilized for purposes
of fund procurement. I'm sure that most who will read this have, at some time,
seen a low-level Beggar utilizing these techniques, performing in the street
with a guitar, or with one's voice. This is very effective, but has inherent
errors in most basic techniques. Mainly, this is derived from the fact that
the said Beggars usually leave their gained funds out in the open, for any
potential Funders to take a glance at. This will inherently endanger the
Beggar if too many funds are left to view, or if not enough are seen. Too
many, and the Funder will assume that enough has been given to the Beggar
already to placate his needs. Not enough, and the Funder will tell himself
that if indeed no one else has donated to the said Beggar, why should he?
Thus, when offering service as the begging technique, a certain amount of
funds, usually specific to the target Funders, and/or the locale, should
be displayed in order to prompt further fund generation. In addition,
services provided should be simple, and extremely easy for the Beggar to
reproduce, such that not too much work will have to be done in order to
prompt the Funder into generosity.
Case Study #2, the Story Teller, shows that one of the most effective
forms of begging come from appealing to the basic human need to feel
compassion. By telling his life's story, a disaster in the making, he is able
to perfectly fit into this niche, and create an atmosphere in which the Funder
can all but give the beggar his entire wallet, else he will feel bad about not
having helped the Beggar for the rest of the day. This technique is excellent
in that a given story is not hard to generate, and within a few nights, it can
be memorized such that it will sound completely natural, and can be very
effectively told in order to correctly fool the Funder into granting the very
funds which the Beggar hopes to receive. To further enhance this method, the
Beggar may utilize Dirt, Grime, and Oil in order to soil his clothes and self,
presenting a great atmosphere of need about him, causing the Funder to feel
that without funds, the Beggar will fail to survive. Very few possible
Funders want to feel as though they have allowed someone to die because of
their lack of generosity.
Case Study #4 is by far the most unskilled form shown within the Case
Studies. However, it shows that by using small monetary values in one's
technique, one can appeal to Funders who would previously not have been so
generous to the Beggar. It is very important, however, that one not mix up
the techniques presented in Study #4, and those presented in Studies #1 and
#3. The prime difference in these solutions is that under Cases #1 and #3,
a service is offered, and there is a necessity for showing that some service
has already been granted (however, not too much), by allowing the Funder to
see a certain amount of income. Under Case Study #4, if income is shown to
the Funder, the Funder will surely feel that he need not continue the income
flow of the Beggar, thus eliminating himself from the Funder/Beggar chain.
By not showing any funds, or furthermore, by stating that absolutely no funds
exist, and that he has been very unlucky, the Beggar using Case Study #4 to
his benefit can convince the Funder that he is absolutely necessary to the
short-term livelihood of the Beggar. This, of course, presents an opening,
as the Funder is only granting a very small amount of money to the Beggar,
which gives him the feeling that he is helping someone, without having to
manipulate him much, as well as giving him the feeling that he is the only
one who can help the Beggar, making him even more susceptible to giving
funds to the Beggar.
Certain methods of different Case Studies can be intermixed within
others, but sometimes this should not be done in order to correctly manipulate
the Funder for maximum Funding. For instance, Case Study #4 can very easily
be intermixed with Case Study #2, in that the wearing of soiled garments can
aid in the begging process of both. However, Case Study #4 and Case Study #3
should not be intermingled, in that no funds should be shown to the Funder
when using Case Study #4. Case Studies #2 and #3, also, should not be used
as one. This mainly relates to the clothing used, as in Case Study #2,
grungy clothes help the cause, yet in Case Study #3, in order to gain the
trust of possible Funders, clean, city-worker-type clothes will be much
more acceptable. By using one's common sense, it is determinable which
methods should be used under a given situation.

Conclusions:

By using one's begging skills, great deals of income can be generated,
if needed; or, if needed, only small amounts can be gained. Whatever one's
needs, whatever one's situation, begging can be used.

I'd like to thank all the Beggars who I was able to analyze in order
to aid in the breakdown of begging technique, with a special thanks to David,
who's begging gave me inspiration to write this guide.


*
MoRP/HEuS
*
iN_EFFECT

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