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-- DISCLAIMER AND COPYRIGHT NOTICE --
I take no responsibility for actions performed as described in this text.
Some of these schemes are illegal to perform and most of them will make your
mark suffer in one way or another. I advice you to look at this script as a
source of inspiration and amusement. Yet, if you do consider an action,
consider also it's consequence, both for the mark and for you. I advise you
to read the alt.revenge FAQ before you do anything you might regret.
The Avenger's Handbook is copyrighted. This means that you may copy the
whole document for personal purpose only. You can do this by sending the
text to a printer, or by saving the file on your personal computer.
You may not redistribute this document in any form without permission from
the editor himself. This includes putting the document onto your own web
page, posting it to an open newsgroup or mailing-list, or printing parts of
it into any magazine, disc or paper.
--
-- How to get the latest edition of The Avenger's Handbook --
The easiest and fastest way to get the' newest edition of The Avenger's
Handbook [TAH] is to use your finger command.
finger -l paalde@stud.cs.uit.no > TAH.doc &
The '&' can be left out, as it just states that you want the command to be
running as a background task.
You can also find TAH and a variety of other similar texts on the WWW at The
Avenger's Front Page [TAFP] - http://www.cs.uit.no/~paalde/Revenge/
The text edition of TAH can be stored on your computer by using the 'save'
option on your web-browser. If you fail to download TAH, just email me at
viking97@bigfoot.com, and I will email a copy to you.
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SEARCH-KEYS
Note: Not every entry is represented in the table below.
Annoying: #005,#006,#014,#019,#025,#040,#047,#070,#075,#089,#090
Cars: #009,#042,#052,#078,#098
Computers: #012,#048,#065,#066,#067,#068,#077,#079,#095,#096
Destructive: #007,#031,#053,#074,#076
Embarrassing: #003,#005,#008,#018,#022,#048,#080,#087,#088,#092
Employe[e]/r: #019,#032,#051,#061
Financial: #002,#020,#027,#032
Landlords: #016,#046
Mail: #001,#002,#010,#044
Psychological: #001,#004,#017
Relationships: #048,#058,#063,#064,#099
Roommates: #023,#038,#058,#059,#060
Solutions: #035,#044,#093,#097
THE BED, THE CAR, THE DOOR, THE GARDEN, THE MAIL, THE POOL
THE ROOMMATE, THE SHOWER, THE TELEPHONE AND THE TOILET.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
#001 MAIL SERVICE. By The Last Viking, Dale Worley, Chuck and Batman.
Get one of those commercial catalogues with dozens of rip-out order forms.
Write down the name and address of the mark and send it in. Be careful about
your handwriting.
--
Go to a library with many technical or trade publications. Pull out all the
free reply cards, bingo cards, etc. Now ask for information on everything.
With remarkably little work, you can collect hundreds of these cards. Fill
in your mark's address and a bogus company name.
--
Send your mark empty envelopes. Do this over a period of at least 2-3 years.
Let the empty envelopes arrive at his place from different locations, and
with different handwriting. If the mark is a nervous wreck, then this can be
what makes him really go over the edge.
--
Buy 100 envelopes. Send all envelopes to the mark. Don't use stamps on them,
and put nothing in them, or photocopy something to put into them. Write the
mark's name and address and put them in the mail. The mark will have to pay
to get the junk mail. This scheme may not work in USA.
--
A bit of a different version of what is written above, is to send your mark
letters saying things like "LIAR!", "THIEF!" or "WHORE!" Also give him the
letters with the big font-types, when he doesn't see it. Like, slide it
under his door, or put it into his bag at school.
--
Here's a little list of how to use our post-service for your vengeance:
Send mail to his landlord. Where "he" writes that he'll be moving soon. The
landlord will start looking for a new tenant when he get the letter.
Send mail to the import duty Dept. from him. Let him ask for an import
permit on about 2K of Heroin. For personal use only, of course.
Send mail from him, to companies who are hiring people for higher level
positions. Lie gruesomely about his qualifications, and make reference to
people in high positions [I assume this is not only illegal in Norway.]
Send mail from your mark to groups like NAMBLA, KKK, Jehova, etc, etc,.
Where he is applying for a membership, or cussing them out.
Send mail from your mark, to credit card companies. You will need his SS to
do this. If you apply to them for a VISA or a Mastercard, then I am sure
your mark is going to feel anxious when he get a reply in the post.
Send a letter to the local police asking something like, "If I see a [use
something very racial here] in the street. Is it okay if I beat him/her up?"
I don't know what kind of a reaction he'll get on that one - but it won't do
him any good.
Send a letter to his boss. Use an anonymous fake name and claim that his
employee [the mark] offered you a lousy service.
--
Find a name and prison address of an appropriate criminal [gang member or
someone convicted of credit fraud.] Forward your mark's personal mail to
this guy, your mark will still get the junk mail and others at his address
will get their usual mail, so it will take time before he become aware of
that something might be wrong.
Wait a week then call his phone company and change his number to an unlisted
one. This with all the other bills will get forwarded to the prison.
#002 TAXES. By Hellraiser.
As soon as the tax forms are released, get the 1040-EZ or 1040-A package.
Assuming you also have the mark's name and address, armed with the SS you
can really have some fun. Type the name, address, city, state, zip, SS and
filing status normally. Prepare the rest of the return with anti-tax and
anti-government statements typed in strategic places on the form. In other
words use your own discretion. Prepare the official return envelope in the
same manner.
Ed> In other countries forms have different names, but we all knew that
Ed> already.
#003 ALARM CLOCK. By The Last Viking.
Once there was a guy who left his sack unattended during the break at
school. Well, the alarm-clock from hell was put into the back, in a location
where he wouldn't look, just before a lecture. Gee, did he get the looks
when it rang in the midst of the lecture [there was 150-200 people in the
room.]
#004 DEATH THREAT TERROR. By The Last Viking and Matthew "The Revenger."
Get a newspaper. Cut out some death notices or articles about persons who
have died [ie. killed] Send them to the person with a letter telling how fun
it was to kill the person in the article. Try sending him a list with his
name on, like a top 10 list with his name getting higher each time you send
a new letter to him.
--
First you type a death threat that suits your purpose onto a piece of paper.
Then, later that night, set off firecrackers on his lawn. The next day you
can continue by writing a nice letter saying, "I'm serious, as you know. I'm
sure you heard the GUN FIRE last night!" If it does not help, throw a rock
through his window, and type another threat for it. Keep doing this process
until he stops.
Ed> For both tactics above it is vital that you leave absolutely NO trace
Ed> leading back to you. Read the alt.revenge FAQ about safety.
#005 ADVERTISEMENT. By The Last Viking, format c: and Lester R. Wolthers Jr.
Advertise in a contact magazine. Let the note tell that your mark want
contact with other persons for e.g. sexual purposes. Write that he is S/M,
gay or something else that he is definitively not. Pay it with cash, or make
them send the bill to your mark.
Another good idea is to help your mark start a little business of his own.
Just put in an article into the paper saying that he's selling private made
porn movies for a good price. The advantage of using sex and porn in these
advertisements is that it draws general and mostly unwanted attention.
If your mark is running a business already, then you can always help him by
putting an note in, where it says that he has cheap "whatever-he-sells" at a
specific time. Just make his offer irresistible. Time can be of essence, put
the note in at a time when everyone is looking to buy his product.
--
Place an ad in the paper for something that will get hundreds of calls.
73 Porsche 911S needs work $500
65 Cobra basket case $1200
96 Corvette wrecked but rebuildable $1000
85 Chevy Camero Z28 $500
Guest cottage on 100 acre estate. Free rent in exchange for minor repairs.
I had a Porsche listed in the paper for $500, and the phone rang every 5
minutes during the evenings. I sold the car to the 1st person but since so
many people were calling I figured I'd have some fun with them. My
girlfriend answered once and with some coaching from me gave this story.
"Uh, I think it's sold but the person hasn't paid me yet. It was my fathers
car and it's been in the garage for the past few years. It's really dirty
now but it used to look really nice because he always took care of it. It's
a 914-6 I think, at least that's what it says on the back."
She said the guy sounded really depressed by the time she was done.
--
Put an ad in the newspaper, write something like this:
"Moving Sale - Saturday.
Everything must go cars, furniture, etc.
No reasonable offer refused.
Starts early, continues through out the day.
If no response at front door, knock on garage door loudly."
Make sure you include the mark's name and address, and that you either pay
cash or send it by mail as a money order.
#006 THE PIZZA DELIVERY SERVICE. By The Last Viking.
Call the local Pizza restaurant, or another restaurant that brings their
food, then ask them to bring the food to your mark's place.
You can also call the cops and say that that you heard shotgun fire, or that
you heard someone fighting [domestic violence] in there.
Chiver> The Police, and many take-out restaurants are using caller-ID, so it
Chiver> is suggested that you call from a phone-box.
#007 A DISC DRIVE KILLER. By The Last Viking, Emil Rakoczy and Turk.
This is an amusing and destructive way of revenge. Just open the disc and
replace the magnetic disc with some sand paper. Either mingle the disc with
the mark's discs or just give it to him [post?] - telling that it contains
new warez. When the mark put it into the drive, it will destroy the drive-
head pretty fast.
Straw> This will not work as the hub that the drive uses to spin the disk
Straw> will be missing. A better idea is to hold the window open and glue
Straw> several pieces of sandpaper to the disk surface. Then the disc will
Straw> appear normal unless your mark hold the window open and spins the
Straw> disk by hand.
Ed> You can also glue sand or any gravel to the surface.
--
An easy way to destroy a disc, is to add a thin layer of butter to it, then
sprinkle it with light iron filings.
--
Remove the sulphur tip from a few matches. Crush and grind it to powder, add
a thin layer of glue to the disc, then spread the powder onto the glue.
#008 THE GARDEN. By The Last Viking, whf2, Brian Martinez, The Novato Onramp
tk421 and Brent Volden.
Salt works great for killing lawns permanently. It was once tried and two
weeks later the grass had died.
--
It was dark outside, and I wanted to get revenge on our bonehead neighbour,
who was constantly complaining about the music we were playing. So, what I
did was throwing out a whole bread [which was too dry to eat anyway] into
his garden. Around 6 o'clock it was light enough outside for our lovely and
not quite-so-quiet sea-gulls to see the bread, and gee did they have a
party. I were staying up all night anyway, so it didn't bother me. If the
sea-gulls doesn't make enough noise, try sprinkling the bread in a bit of
alcohol [Just a little bit, you don't want them to hurt themselves.]
--
Get some seeds from some ugly weed and spread it all-over your mark's
garden, or spread some lime into your mark's garden. The grass will then
slowly die. If you're being artistic about it, try writing something
insulting onto the lawn.
--
In high-school some friends of mine went up to one teacher's house with a
can of diesel, and wrote the word "BITCH" on her gently upward-sloping front
yard for all the people in her Ritzy suburb community to see. Of course,
the diesel killed the grass, and you could see "BITCH" from the road for a
good three months or so.
--
The opposite effect is to spread fertilizer onto the lawn. It will cause the
grass to grow twice as fast on the places where you've spread it (You can
write something on the lawn), and if you use enough, it'll cause the grass
to change colour.
--
Buy a case of frosted flakes, then go to the mark's house late at night or
before they wake up and spread them out neatly over their lawn. The mourning
dew will melt the flakes slightly, then the sun comes out and bakes them
into the biggest damned frosted flake in the world. After the ants come out
it should get real entertaining.
--
I work for an aerial mapping company and have a bird's eye view of lawn
mower graffiti. A client recently called to ask if we'd noticed someone had
'written' "Bullshit" in the area to be photographed. We hadn't noticed it
and couldn't really do anything about it anyway. This struck me as a good
way to embarrass some engineers or office types looking over photos of the
site of a, say, new shopping mall. A disgruntled employee could easily pay
some kid to mow "IBM SUCKS!" in a field where no one could see it but from
the air.
#009 AUTOMATIC GARAGE DOORS. By Thomas Gauldin and The Last Viking.
One of the tricks that works wonderfully involves houses with garage door
openers. Sears and Chamberlain openers use DIP switches to set the code. The
dips switches are on the back of the door openers and in plain sight.
I once were in this mark's garage to deliver a piece of mail that was left
in my mailbox and noticed the Chamberlain door opener and the DIP switches
on the rear. I noted the settings down and bought a spare transmitter at
Sears for about $12. All I had to do was set the DIP switches to the same
code and then I could operate the door.
The neighbour had very regular habits and left for work at roughly the same
time every day. All I did was wait and watch as the door rolled up. When
the backup lights of their Accura came on, I merely pressed the down button
and the door closed on their trunk lid, broke the rear glass and dented the
roof. The folks stood around for about a half hour scratching their butts
and trying to figure out what happened. The garage door was totaled also.
--
Most garage door openers are controlled by an IR transmitter. So, what you
need to do is go get one of those programmable IR transmitters, those with
the learn function. Now you only need to get a hold of his open or close
signal, which can be a real bitch to do, as the transmitter are usually
located in his car. Yet, now you might know what lock-picking FAQ's are for.
#010 MEMBERSHIP. By The Last Viking.
This one will require that you know a bit about your mark. What you do is
sign a membership for him in a club/organization/whatever, that is quite
opposite or has opposite intentions of who he really is. Preferably
something which he finds disgustful like if he is a heterosexual, then you
can make him a member of a gay's club. If he's working in the US-government,
sign him up with a Communist organization [Hell, that might even invoke an
investigation]. If he is a racist, sign him up with an organization of the
opposite colour. If he is a Satanist, sign him up with the Jehovah. If he's
a fat TV-slob, sign him up with a football team [support member - I guess?]
#011 LOCKERS. By The Last Viking and Mark Peters.
I think that one of the most famous locker schemes came from George
"Pinhead" Curtis - and a simple one it was too. Just put superglue [Krazy
Glue] in the lock and it will become completely inaccessible for the owner.
Of course this has later been sofisticated by methods like putting a tooth-
pick into it, before and after adding the glue [breaking the tooth-pick
off.]
Other means of locker-revenge could be hanging up a nude poster on the front
of the locker [works well in schools] - be creative, you can also put things
like ads on it, or even neo-Nazi symbols.
--
How about squirting a whole can of whipped cream into the locker through
the vent holes (no need to pick the lock). If this was done right before a
weekend it would get quite sour by the next school day.
#012 MS-DOS. By George 'Pinhead' Curtis, The Last Viking, Joker, Roger Sween
and David K. Bryant.
This one will kill your hard disc. Using the PC, on the hard drive write:
C:\>debug
- e 100
b8 11 05 bb 10 01 b9 01 00 ba 80 00 cd 13 cd 20
00 80 00 02 00 03 00 04 00 05 00 06 00 07 00 08
00 09 00 0a 00 0b 00 0c 00 0d 00 0e 00 0f 00 10
- g
C:\>
Flags Track 0 bad - Upon the next boot the drive is shot.
--
To help the mark format the hard drive, put the line:
ECHO Y|C:\DOS\FORMAT C: /Q
In his AUTOEXEC.BAT file, or program it to be done if he presses a
particular key.
--
When the mark is away; startup fdisk on his hard-disc, now select 3, for
delete DOS partion. Now delete every partion. The computer will ask you to
press CTRL-ALT-DEL, but just press CTRL-C. In a while the computer will
crash and be totally fucked. All data will be erased.
When your mark is gone, start up a loud noisy game on his computer. This can
be done in the lunch break when nobody is around, now everyone returns and
sees the screen of eg. your boss, and it has a game on it.
Make a directory like ALT+255 (the extended Alt keyboard char. set) this
will make a blank space. Now do an XCOPY C:\ C:\"ALT+255"/s/e. this will
fill up his hard drive so he won't be able to save anything.
This is good as long as the asshole doesn't know much about DOS or doesn't
use anything like Norton.
--
Find a gif/jpg viewer and a picture of a nude woman (or if you're going for
the grotesque, a nude woman and her horse) you'll find it all on the
Internet. When everyone is gone for lunch, start it up on his PC. Sure
that'll improve his reputation.
Alter his autoexec.bat file, put a game in the first line of it. Everytime
he boot the machine it will pop up on his screen. Add as the last line of
his autoexec.bat "echo Israel5 virus activated." then when you've saved the
autoexec.bat file, make it read and execute only. (Don't ask me how to do
it, I am an Amiga freak.. try attrib or something)
Remove the power-cables and put them into his drawer. What him running
around accusing everyone for stealing them. Another similar thing you could
do is just removing every cable, and let them lay there on his desk. Then
adjust the colour, contrast and saturation on his monitor. This will annoy
anyone in a suit.
--
You can make the DOS text go black on black [as long as the ANSI.SYS file is
loaded in the CONFIG.SYS file] Just add the following line in the beginning
of your AUTOEXEC.BAT: prompt=$E[0;30;40m
#013 SMOKERS. By The Last Viking and Tom Line.
Carve off small pieces of rubber from an eraser. Remove some of the tobacco
from a cigarette. Put the rubber in as a substitute, then make it look real
by adding some tobacco on the tip. Rumors has it that it taste awful.
--
For sloppy smokers who leave cigarette butts and ashes lying about, assist
their "beautification program" and import even more cigarette butts and
plant them places where they'll get the blame for them.
Epoxy cigarettes to the person's car, particularly on the windshield, side
windows, over the door locks, etc. Dump some in the air vents. If they don't
have a locking gas cap, dump some in their gas tank.
Hide or throw away the ashtrays.
Piss in their ashtray(s), then leave an anonymous note later "confessing" to
this. If the note is believable, the psychological effect should be
interesting. In fact, actually pissing in the ashtrays might not even be
necessary, if you can make them think you did it. Since a cigarette is a
phallic symbol, psychologically speaking, why not add some realism?
Decoupage (with epoxy, so they can't be easily removed) some "cute" messages
in the bottoms of ashtrays, such as: Smoking sucks, Suck that FAG off,
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray, Smokers are buttheads, It's the
cigarette that SMOKES, the smoker just SUCKS or Wouldn't you really rather
be sucking on a COCK? (A picture of a PENIS from a homo porn magazine might
be interesting, too.)
From that same magazine you used above, after you cut out the picture of the
penis from the naked faggot, replace the penis in the picture with an actual
cigarette butt and post the picture on the person's cubicle or office door.
This works best if they get in late and you post it early. That way others
will have a chance to see it before the mark can remove it. Even if nobody
else sees it, the mark will WORRY about who saw it, and what they may have
thought about it!
Intercept a memo from the person, hopefully to a bigwig in your company,
open the mail pouch, add a cigarette butt or two, reseal it, and send it on
its way! The same goes for outgoing mail to important customers, etc.
Answer their phone for them whenever they're away from their desk and inform
the caller that they're on a "smoke break". If possible, change their voice
mail message to say this, too! Then if you disconnect the ringer, people
will think they spend their whole day in the smoking area rather than
working (as some do, of course) and complain to management about them.
--
How about a cup of black powder or gun powder in their ash tray?
#014 NASTY SMELLS. By The Last Viking, Art, Steve Lopez, A.J.R. and Crystal
Willett.
I did this one when I was graduating from high-school. I and a friend of me
went over to this other high-school in the vicinity and brought with us some
real bad smelling marten-bait. There was a kind of war between us and them
and now we'd just had it. We opened the door and crushed the tube of marten
bait into the classroom sink. Then we left in a hurry (We got a day
expulsion from the school, due to our little stunt, but it was worth it).
You can spill this stinky thing almost every where, use your imagination.
--
Fox Urine. It smells pretty bad from what I hear. Why don't you just take a
bottle of the stuff and "spill" (totally by accident of course) some between
the top of the mark's car window and the door. Like I said, it was just an
"accident". Maybe you could do this right before the mark is due to go on a
date or to an important business meeting?
--
This also works rather well with skunk scent, readily obtained at your local
sporting goods/hunting outfitter (they use it to hunt coyotes) It comes in
about a 2Oz. bottle which is quite sufficient to put into a syringe and
inject through the window rubber. Be sure and get some down the defroster
vents, as you can replace carpet and upholstery, but the smell never comes
out of the vent system.
--
Buy some kind of hollow vegetable (bell or jalepeno work well), seal them in
a plastic bag and forget about them for a while, once they have turned slimy
and moldy, transfer them to a quart mason jar. Toss in some eggs, milk and
chopped liver until it is about 80% full. Put it in a warm dark place. About
every week, give it a shake. After 4-5 weeks, it will be mostly liquid, and
will look vile. Don't open the jar to smell it. Trust me; it smells much
worse than it looks. Toss the entire thing so it breaks open on your
neighbour's porch steps. If you are really adventuresome, climb onto his
roof and pour it down the chimney.
--
Call some chemical supply companies, say that you are training dogs for
search and rescue, and that you need some cadaverine. It is the scent of
dead human bodies, in a concentrated form.
I will say, that one could get a little syringe and put a few 2-3 cc's in
it, and shoot it into a mark's car through the tiniest crack (window cracked
open), and that smell will NEVER go away. The smell causes unreasonable fear
on an unconscious level. If he tried to sell his car, NO ONE would buy it.
It would be completely ruined. Probably would work with various different
places/things as well.
--
Once my ex's sister forgot a chicken that she'd put into the oven for
defrosting. One day flys started humming around her apartment all over the
place. Turned out that the chicken had started to decay, and with the
smell, and the infestation of maggots - it wasn't a pretty site.
#015 SHAVING FOAM. By Chris Cantarine.
Fill up a bag of shaving foam. Put the open end-part-way under someone's
door (make sure the bag is open). Jump on the closed end of the bag. Also,
put a dust-pan under his door. Piss (or pour a jar of something) in it.
--
Put about 4-5 boxes of shaving foam in a freezer. When the foam is frozen,
remove the surrounding can and put the foam in your mark's car.
#016 THE RACIST LANDLORD. By Pancho, DanD and Steven C. Schultz.
Complain to the KKK or Aryan nation about the landlords. They're renting to
all these goddamned (epithet)s in my neighbourhood. Or you heard them
talking about how Klansmen should be killed on sight. Be sure to give the
home address and license plate numbers of their cars.
Call all the utility companies, and have their bills diverted to "your"
house. They're going on a long vacation and you want to pay their bills
while they're gone. "Your" address is that of the Lost And Found at the
Macy's in the next town.
Sign them up with NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association. This
is sure to bring attention from the cops to the landlord if NAMBLA is ever
raided by the cops in your town.
Call up the militant black groups of your choice. Tell them you're thinking
of joining. Invite some members to come over to talk to you. Give them the
landlord's address.
Make copies of the keys to their property which your friends rented, attach
them to labeled key rings. Write "DOCTOR Susanna Wong, Geriartrics" on the
labels, with the home address. Go to the worst part of town and "forget" the
key rings at the phone booths where gang members gather.
Call popular radio station talk shows. Start friendly, give out the
landlord's name while no-one suspects anything. Repeat it a couple of times.
Get the address in, if you can. Then accuse them of whatever you like. Slip
it in slowly, so that the accusation's out before they can think to use
their 7-second delay. You could accuse them of membership in NAMBLA. Lo and
behold, their name turns up in NAMBLA's records.
Write all their current tenants at all their properties, and even the
neighbours surrounding those properties. "Did you know that the sick
perverted landlord at this address has a porno flick business on the side?
Did you know he sets aside one of the apartments (or houses) for the filming
of these pictures? Do you want your kids exposed to these people in your
neighbourhood? NO FINGERPRINTS OR SALIVA ON YOUR LETTERS OR ENVELOPES, NOW!
Make up a letter or a poster accusing these landlords of being the most
active, violent, and effective Klansmen in your town. Print up a zillion of
these. Go to a predominantly black area of town and dump these flyers over
the fence of the local high-school. You can *also* dump them at the
projects. Include their home address, phone number, car description and
license plates.
If the police investigate, the junior high-school crime and the fact that
his name is on the poster will be public record. He will be interrogated.
It will not be slander to talk about it.
Make a tape of Vincent Price's laughter at the end of the Michael Jackson
song "Thriller". Tape it over and over so it's one minute of laughter.
After *each* of these incidents, call them up and play it. Real loud.
--
Even better: send notices to all the tenants that rent is going up. (or
down.) Make policy changes. Send some tenants notices they will be sued
if they don't pay their rent which is past due. (Nothing like threatening
people with legal action for something they did not do to get their blood
boiling.) Have a couple of cars towed, claiming to be the property manager.
(Most property managers who have cars towed post the phone number of
whatever towing service they use, so it's no problem.)
You get the idea. Terrorize the tenants and make them think that it's the
landlord who is doing it. They will react in all SORTS of ways. Legal,
physical, verbal, etc.
--
You could place the add and give different rents, depending on the race of
the renter. A newspaper probably wouldn't print any add that is racially
oriented like this, so print up flyers and put them in stores, car
windshields, etc.
Or you could place an ad saying that the place has things that it doesn't,
such as swimming pool, glass porch in back, washing machine/dryer,
dishwasher, etc. Potential renter comes out and sees it doesn't have any of
this and he will be pissed.
#017 THE TELEPHONE. By Davis Sweeney, Robert Bissett, Mark Loop, Alan Young,
James Miles, Patrick Lynch, The Last Viking and
Jennifer Nadobny.
Ed> Before even considering using the telephone for revenge, you should
Ed> read the alt.revenge FAQ for safe usage.
Careful about this sort of tactic. Caller I.D. is becoming common for
State-to-State calling now. Also beware that the Annoyance Call Bureau can
act pretty quick if the situation warrants it. They can have a tap & trace
put on the phone you are calling in a matter days, and even HOURS if they
think the situation warrants it.
--
Here's an old standard that provided hours of enjoyment at my last job: when
the coworker (mark) of your choice goes for his/her tenth cup of coffee,
pick up his/her phone and tape down the little button that the receiver sits
on. (Pardon the technical jargon.) When your sucker gets back with the
coffee and yet another doughnut, give 'em a call. When they pick up the
phone, they won't hear anything and the phone will still ring. You'd be
amazed at how well this works.
--
A lot simpler way to accomplish the same thing is with a small piece of
clear (Scotch) tape. Place it neatly over the hoes on the receiver. It will
totally block out all audible sound and, if done nicely, is not normally
detected by the dupe.
--
Dial your mark's number and let it ring once or twice. Then simply hang
up. Do this randomly day or night for increased effect.
--
Call your mark collect from a phone booth. Just tell the operator that
you're his father [use father's name] - If you call from a long distance,
then it is for the better. Use your own imagination when it comes to
hesitating in exposing that you're not his real father.
--
Call your mark in the middle of the night, and let the talk develop into
something like this:
You : "Hello, who is this?"
Mark: "Huh? What is this? Who are you?"
You : "Why did you call me at 3AM? Who is this?"
Mark: "What are you talking about? You called me?"
You : "RIIGHT? Very funny. Who is this?"
Mark: "I didn't call you. It was you who called me. Who is this?"
You : "Hey, I have work tomorrow. I need to sleep. Who is this? I will call
the police and the phone company about you. I have a caller ID"
[click]
Now this requires some good acting, and remember that things might turn out
slightly different, so don't use the text above as a script.
--
Call the mark in the middle of night - 5 AM is great. Ask him if he want to
buy an encyclopedias of your own choice. Just pretend to be a hyper active
telemarketeer who doesn't know there's such a thing as time-zones.
--
I paged my mark and left another pager number. Then paged a few more people
and left his pager number. At the end, half of the office was paging each
other and my mark got yelled at.
--
Get your marks phone number and get a hold of a beeper exchange. Page 100's
of people to the marks house at 2am on a weeknight. They will never get to
sleep. This takes time, and be wary of call tracing. But, it's worth it when
you see the bags under thier eyes the next day at work.
Ed> Also see #98.
#018 A TROUBLESOME GIRL AT SCHOOL. By Cyberknight.
Have a friend go up to the girl and convince her to ask you how many push-
ups your sister/brother can do.
When she asks you, "Hey, how many push ups can your sister do?" You look as
angry and upset as you can. Don't worry about the rest of the class hearing.
The bigger the scene you make, the better it is. Your response would be,
"Who told you about this? You... How could you! You know my sister has no
arms! What kind of person are you!"
At this point you can either storm out of the room or put your head down in
your arms and laugh quietly and make them think you're crying.
#019 FAST FOOD WORKER. By Deacon.
Ed> The mark is a woman, working at a fastfood restaurant. Another thing,
Ed> don't be rude to innocent workers at fastfood joints, they have the
Ed> worst of jobs and they get the poorest pay.
When you know she will be working get some friends to come in. (About six)
Have two of your friends start to order something from you and then, when
you're busy helping them, have the other friends come up to the counter and
start to order food from the lady.
Have your friends be obnoxious and ask for little changes in their food.
Example.. "I'd like a soda with ten Ice cubes. A cheese-burger, without the
cheese, (No it's not a hamburger, it's a cheese burger with the cheese
removed after cooking. Tastes better) No pickles. I'd like a chocolate
shake... no umm, a vanilla shake... no... ummm damn I'll just have a small
coke, could we have this for here.
Oh sorry, I meant could we have it to go... Oh, extra salt and pepper and
ketchup in the bag could you possibly give me some.
You get the jist. A person was really pissing me off when I worked at a
different store and I had my friends do this. Not only did he screw up big
time and look like a klutz, he actually yelled at one of the people, who
then came back and complained to the manager with his friends, and the
manager bitched the guy out.
You should make sure you're serving your other two friends at the time, so
when she asks for help just say, "I'm sorry, but I've already got to take
care of these people."
#020 THE MARK'S CREDIT CARD. By The Last Viking and Skitzo.
With the mark's credit card you can order stuff (obviously). Yet, if you
want to order stuff for yourself, then I advice you to get a hold on some
info about carding. Usually carders use an unoccupied house to have the
ordered stuff dropped at, but there's many other things to consider as well.
Order stuff to his address if you have a secondary mark's credit info, or do
a swap. If you're lucky you could have the authorities running after them
both.
--
Get an AOL free trial kit and use his credit info. Use up all the time and
then some. Use all of the extra features. He'll get a bill in a month for
some good money.
Go to a pay-phone late at night were no one would hang it up, and call up an
900 psychic-line that charges like $5 a minute. Tell them that you have some
money to spend and for them to do all the talking. Tell them that you want
them to tell you everything they can just from being on the phone. Enter his
credit info and leave the phone off the hook all night.
Post his credit card info on the newsgroups like from the fake AOL account
that you got with his money. Send it to alt.2600 first. Then alt.hackers
His credit line would be down the tubes in no time with everyone using it.
Ed> Credit fraud is a serious crime, use your brain!
#021 THE BEE SWARM. By Dale Gee.
Order a swarm of bees from a bee keeping supply house, either have them
delivered to your mark or at your place. If you have them delivered to your
place, then you can put the whole stuff into your mark's car or though the
mark's window.
#022 POSTER REVENGE. By The Last Viking, Samuel Taradash and Steven C.
Schultz.
The idea of poster revenge is to hang up posters which will destroy the
reputation of your mark. Just design the poster on your computer, print it
out and make a lot of copies. Now run around in the night and hang up the
posters.
As for what to write on those posters, well, it all depends a lot on what
area the guy is living in, what he is doing and how you want to get to him.
If he is a principle or a teacher you could make a poster saying that he
abused you in some way. Make up a person, a secondary mark or simply go
anonymous. Hang the poster onto campus bulletin boards, etc,. If he is a
store owner, and you are living in e.g. US, you might write that he is a
fascist. Simply hang up a poster on his store, saying that coloured people
are not welcome, or maybe "Swedes are not welcome," would cause some havoc?
You could also just write that you bought one of his products, that it was
of bad quality and that when you complained, you didn't get the money back.
Be creative!
Now, you might think that the guy can just rip the poster down again. Well,
I was, back in my young days, an active environmentalist and our group
worked with some leftwingers. I remember one of them telling me how to set
up a poster real good. Simply break some glass in a bucket. Crush it good.
Add tapestry glue. The idea is to first glue some on the wall, hang up the
poster, then glue some over the poster. When someone try to rip it down they
will get some real bloody fingers. It has also been suggested that you add
dogshit to the mixture, that might help the mark getting a bit, uh, sick.
--
Because this guy who lived in my dorm had done a decent girl wrong by making
her think she was being stalked I figured a little turnabout was in order. I
made up a flyer that read in large letters "If you can talk dirtier than me,
I will pay you $25!" then in smaller text was a bit about "I am a psychology
major doing a study on verbal sexuality in relation to mental violence. All
callers will remain anonymous." And, of course, the Mark's phone number was
prominently displayed on the flyer. I made ten photocopies and stapled them
up on the kiosks on my campus that are usually full of notices about "Free
Financial aid" and "Help wanted at McBurger." Just to see what was going on,
I tried calling him later that evening and asking "Is this the place to call
to talk dirty?" The torrent of desperate obscenity he rattled back more than
answered my question.
--
Many states require convicted child molesters to notify neighbours of their
record. I'm sure you could use a laser printer to make a nice, official
looking letterhead that appears to come from your local police station and
"inform" all of his neighbours that he was recently convicted for sexually
abusing a young boy, and is undergoing treatment. If you got one of those
phone books indexed by addresses, you could get all of his neighbour's names
as well and address and send it to them personally, making it more
realistic. Just don't leave any fingerprints or saliva on the letter,
envelope or stamp.
There's a chance that some will be quick enough to realize that the letter
is forged, but some may be so mad that they won't care about the possibility
that it is true, especially those with young kids.
At the very least, he will be harassed by neighbours, and there have been
cases where the offender's house has been burned down. It will be almost
impossible to prove who did it, and it will only cost you a couple of hours
and a few stamps.
#023 THE BED. By The Last Viking, Kennan Ferguson, Marko Heiskanen and
Cyberknight.
First, take off the bottom sheet of his/her bed. Put a sheet of plastic
there; not so thick that it will rustle. Next, spread a thick layer of
powdered sugar over the plastic; replace the sheet and return bed to its
normal state. The beauty of this is the plastic that reflects body heat,
making the sleeping mark sweaty. As he/she sweats, the sugar seeps up
through the bed-sheet. Upon waking, the individual looks and feels like a
glazed doughnut.
--
Replace the sugar with milk powder to get extremely unbelievable results.
When the milk powder get into the spores, it stays there and turns sour.
Your mark will smell of sour milk for almost a week.
--
Just wait until your mark is away for a week or so, then sneak into his
bedroom and sow creed into his bed. It practically grows everywhere and only
needs a little water.
--
This is simple. Un-tuck the bottom of the bed sheet. Take the bottom and
pull it about 1/3 of the way towards the head of the bed. Tuck it back in.
What's supposed to happen is the mark slides into the sheets like a
sausage into a pita pocket. Except that now, he doesn't have enough room
to stretch his legs out all the way!
Be warned, I've seen sheets ripped this way, but it's usually harmless.
#024 FELLOW EMPLOYEE. By David C. Hobbs and CyberKnight.
Leave love notes from the fellow employees to other employees (preferably
married people, and use gay situations) on the office copy machine, put
condoms in their mailbox, send flowers from one to the other, let it be
public.
--
How about a creative gift basket delivered to him at work? A basket
containing fruit, a fern, some male homosexual magazines, a tube of K-Y
jelly, one of those condom "lollypops," a Michael Bolton tape, and a butt
plug with the words "I Love you" written on it.
#025 A CALCULATOR TRICK. By Jay C. Box.
This trick is not as easy to do as it once was, but either borrow or
appropriate their calculator the day or night before they have an exam and
open the case and carefully change the keytops around so that instead of:
7 8 9 1 2 3
4 5 6 you get instead: 4 5 6 like you see on telephones.
1 2 3 7 8 9
0 0
The idea is to be subtle so that they don't discover it early. You can
change the mathematical operators if you wish but I prefer less. Since the
keyboard layout looks natural, most will assume that their calculator died!
Unfortunately the calculator is not always constructed compatible with
this trick anymore.
Ed> This might also work on telephones and remote controls.
#026 ROAD KILL. By Wil Jamison.
Another thing you can do is: get a fresh intact roadkill. Tie a length of
rope securely around it. Tie the other end to your mark's axel. Place the
roadkill up on the axel so it balanced and out of sight. When your target
drives off eventually the roadkill will fall off and start bouncing behind
the car. Guaranteed to attract attention from other drivers, cops, etc.
#027 LOST KEYS. By Steve Davis.
Go to a few locksmiths and collect old dead keys, ones they have no use for.
Next buy the same number of key tags, the ones you write a name or whatever
on. Write the name of the target, their phone number and "$10 reward" on
each tag. Now drop a key in the post office, at the bank, in the street etc.
The more the merrier.
#028 THE DOOR. By Morpheus, Donald E Quigley, Toby Lane, Steven C.
Schultz, Cyberknight, Tim J. Lavoie and Emily Nevermind.
Scramble some eggs (as many as you need). Add some green food dye and a
little bit of garlic salt. Pour it all over his door/window/doormat. Do this
when you know he'll be gone for a while.
--
You take a paper bag and fill it with, eh, animal defecation (that's dog
turd -just making sure), and close the top of it with staples. You then
soak it in gasoline and place it on the front stop of an annoying neighbour,
right under the door. Light the bag ablaze and ring the doorbell. RUN. If
all goes right, this is what should happen. The person comes to the door and
sees a small blazing bag on his stoop. What does he do? You guessed it. He
stomps it out. The reaction is priceless.
BTW, If nobody answers the door, you still leave a nasty smell (ever small
crap burning?) by the house and a wicked-looking mess on the stop.
--
Try filling up one of those big, dirty, not necessarily empty garbage cans
in the dorm with water and leaning it up against their door. Then knock and
run like hell.
--
Wait until they're gone out of the house, hook up their garden hose, push it
through the paper slot on their front door, and turn it on. Or go into the
house, turn all the taps on, and leave, locking the door behind you. If you
can spray some filler at the bottom of the door to seal more of the water
in, so much the better.
--
Take a two liter soda bottle and cut the neck off. (so it is like a big
drinking glass.) Fill it up with something like used motor oil, a mixture
of blood catfish bait and water (available at Wal-Mart for $2 - this stuff
smells BAD!), urine, shit and water (animal or human) or a similarly
disgusting liquid. Prop it against the door so that it will spill inside
when he opens the door. Knock and run, or just wait for him to open it
whenever.
If you have trouble getting it to balance on a smooth floor while leaning
against the door, just put a loop of duct tape at the point where it
contacts the floor.
If you can set the bottle on top of something (like an overturned trash
can, milk crates, etc) so that it is a few feet off the ground, some of
the disgusting liquid might actually get on more than just his feet...
Even if it doesn't, the liquid will still splatter further and make a
bigger mess.
--
Take a thumbtack and a tea bag and thumbtack the tea bag over the top of his
door. Cut the bottom off the bag, and place it on the upper edge of his
door. The idea is that when he opens it, he'll get tea dumped all over his
head.
--
Put a sign on his door that reads, "Do not disturb! Masturbating
intensely!"
--
One thing that is harmless (but really neat), is to tape newspaper over the
door frame, leaving only a gap at the top. Then fill the gap with Styrofoam
peanuts, popcorn, whatever. As soon as the door is opened, the vacuum sucks
light, "floaty" debris all over the entrance area.
--
First, take the clear window insulator, that can be found at most hardware
stores, and put it over their door at night. The instructions tell you to
use a hairdryer, but an iron on the low setting works. That's how we did it.
If you're feeling particularly lucky, try coating the inner surface with
Vaseline. Setting a can filled with water up against their door is rather
nasty too. Lean it so that it falls over when they open the door.
#029 ICE-TRAYS/WATER CONTAINERS. By Morpheus and Mr. Twister.
This one is great on camping trips. Simply apply vinegar to the canteen of
your beloved mark, he won't forget it - neither will you.
--
Either empty the ice-trays without refilling them, or go for the more
elegant version by filling up the trays with salted or sugared water. The
drinks will certainly change due to the inserted content. You can also try
to mix in some Lemon juice cool-aid, just for the heck of it.
#030 THE TOILET. By Rob Peacock, KCWinstead, C. Lynn Ashworth, JusticeX,
Aaron Cake and David T. Witkowski.
Suranwrap is fun. You can also wrap it over the top of the toilet bowl on
your mark's toilet and then put the seat down. This works especially good if
your mark is a woman.
--
Pour syrup on the toilet seat. You can't readily see it, but your mark
*will* stick to the seat.
--
Many toilets have black toilet seats, which suits well with tar. Just put
tar onto the seat and it will piss off the customers of your mark.
--
Cement mix (the type where you just mix with water) to fill up the toilet
after you leave, or put it in on-site washing/laundry machines.
Ed> A slightly different approach is to put cement-mix into the top water
Ed> container. You just remove the top, and pour the cement into it.
--
Go to a restaurant that serves tomato catsup (ketchup) in little squeeze
packages. Get the ones that are really full if you can. I know that
McDonald's has good ones. Fold the packet in half, and poke a couple of
small pinholes in the packet at the crease. Lift up the seat of the mark's
toilet, and position the packets so that they are underneath the plastic
feet of the toilet seat, and face the creases so that they're pointing about
where the mark's legs will be as they sit down. Then set the seat down
gently. When your mark sits down, the backs of their legs will get doused
with the ketchup spray.
--
At night, or atleast at a time when you suspect nobody would use the toilet
for quite a few hours, pour a large amount of jello powder into the bowl or
the tank.
#031 DRIVE-BY PAINT-BOMB BOMBARDMENT. By The Last Viking.
You simply fill up a balloon with paint. Close it, and then you can drive by
the place and throw the balloon at the mark's house. The smart thing about
this revenge is that you can throw the balloon over a fence. You don't have
to spend a long time at the scenery, and it is a heck of a job to remove the
paint. Be careful not to break the balloons.
#032 COMMERCIAL POSTERS. By The Last Viking.
This one is good if your mark is a store, or an organization who're using a
lot of money on commercial posters [big ones]. The idea is to change the
text on the poster to something that turns against them. e.g. If there's a
poster saying "Welcome back." Then you can write under. "and we'll steal
from you again" - you get the idea.
#033 MAILBOX LOCK. By Scott Adams.
This is a simple one, if your neighbour is getting on your nerves, then just
go to a hardware store and pick up a lock. He will eventually manage to cut
the lock off, but it'll be with some work of his side.
For more fun, you can: Pour honey in the inside, attracting many ants. Epoxy
the flag up [if you have a bad mailman, do this to every house nearby.] Fill
it with cement.
#034 CABEL TV. By Scott Adams, The Last Viking and C. H. Lund.
Suppose you live in an area equipped with cable. If you have ever looked at
those boxes, you'll know that they generally fine you pretty badly for
messing with the boxes. Open one up, and unhook wires, flip switches, do
whatever seems good. Then, close the box again, and wait. They won't get the
TV to work, will call the cable company, and get a nice fine.
--
Another cool thing to do is to find where the cable is dug down, then dig it
up, cut it, use some black tape to cover the cutting. Now the cable company
will have real hard time finding the error.
Remember timing is essential, cut the cable just before the Olympics any
other big event.
--
Instead of cutting the cable when you dig it up, stick a pin/needle into it
and cut off both ends [with a wire cutter or like], thus leaving a piece of
metal in the cable. This is guaranteed to ruin the cable, and it's
hard to find the section of cable ruined by the presence of the pin. The
entire cable will have to be replaced.
Ed> I don't see how this will work on a RF-cable, maybe on a signal cable.
#035 MAILBOX PROTECTION. By June Peckingham, Ben A. Ostrowsky and Dale Gee.
For anyone that has ever had their mailbox knocked off by a silly prankster
driving along in his car with a baseball bat, here's a suggestion for
revenge:
Buy a big mailbox and a little mailbox. Put the small mailbox inside the big
one, and fill the space between with cement. You will still get your mail
delivered but if anyone attempts to bash your box, they will break their
arm and their habit for mailbox baseball. :}
--
Here's another, which works particularly well against nocturnal dweebs.
Drive a heavy pipe into the ground, next to your mailbox. Make sure it
reaches as high as the top of your mailbox. Paint it black. Wait.
For weeks, our nights had been punctuated with the occasional "Vrrrmmm...
THWACK!" as local community-college guys accelerated to about 40 mph. That
night, we heard: "Vrrrmmm... CLANG!" - "OW!" - "Shit, man, back up! I
dropped the bat!" - "No way." "Vrrrmmm..."
We laughed for ten minutes straight and got a slightly used aluminum bat out
of the deal.
--
My uncle had a problem a snow plow driver who couldn't tell the difference
between the road and his mailbox. After a winter of complaining to the
county about his mail box getting flatten he took matters in his own hands.
He went down the scrap yard. Bought a 6 foot (2 meter) length of I-Beam.
The kind they use in construction. Set the thing in concrete. The first
good snow the snow plow comes along and all you heard was a loud thud. The
county complained but there was nothing they could. Uncle never lost another
mailbox.
Couple kids try to run it down one night and received the same results.
Except they needed a tow truck to take their car home.
#036 STOPPING THE GAS SUPPLY. By Karl Anders �ygard.
A friend of mine from California had this guy who was bothering the hell out
of him, so he decided to play a him a trick. When moving he'd noticed that
all you have to do to cut of the gas, is call the gas company - no ID
required, and it's turned off promptly.
One Friday afternoon he made some calls, impersonating the aforementioned
lucky fellow, and had them turn off the telephone, electricity, gas and
water. Needless to say, a certain guy was in for a nice calm weekend.
Even better: the electricity companies charge you $20 to put the electricity
back on...
#037 CANCELED EXAMS. By Karl Anders �ygard.
Here, if you need to sign off some exams, you skip down to the student's
office and tell them; point is, you don't need any kind of ID, so you could
just as easily sign all your friends and enemies off as well. You'll have to
know which exams they are signed up for, but with a little effort this
should pose no real problem.
Ed> I know for sure that this won't work here at the University of Troms�.
Ed> When I was canceling a Math course they asked for both social no. [SS]
Ed> and student identification. Still you could try it, but remember that
Ed> it's a fellow student who actually loses maybe half a year of studies,
Ed> and I guarantee there will be trouble.
#038 THE VANISHING ROOM. By Gordon Prioreschi.
One of the "classic" pranks where I went to school: when some dorm-dweller
left for vacation, his dorm-mates got some drywall, speckle, paint, etc.,
covered his door, and painted it to match the rest of the hall. Really neat,
tidy job -- you couldn't tell that there had been a door there. They even
went so far as to move a light fixture onto the new "wall" to confuse the
guy. When he came back from vacation, they all pretended not to know him
-- and his room had "disappeared."
He eventually got a hammer and started flailing at the wall. Finding his
door took a while due to the light fixture. Meanwhile, the others called
Security: "There's some strange guy beating on the walls with a hammer..."
Ed> A bit unbelievable. Yet, we're allowed to dream about it.
#039 NOISY PARTY STOPPERS. By The Last Viking, Samuel Kaplin and DanD.
I was at a party where there was two guys who were making much noise. When
they finally fell asleep, we gathered our forces and swiftly stripped their
clothes of and placed the fellas in a bed. Then we brushed their ass with a
toothbrush. Next morning they woke up bare naked, accompanied by each other
and a sore ass.
--
I was working in a bar, and there was this totally idiot who was plastered
to the point of passing out. One of us drove him home in his car, the other
followed. We then parked his car in front of his house and sprinkled the
front liberally with cow's blood and threw some human hair on the front. We
then left the car. When he got up in the morning he freaked.
It just so happened that there was a hit and run that night and he thought
he did it. Fortunately he already had some front end damage so we didn't
have to break anything. We never did tell about this, and to this day he
thinks he is guilty, and some other sucker took the rap.
--
Some friends were coming back from a concert when one guy who was the
biggest jerk passed out in the van. The women in the group happily took
turns layering his head with hair spray. Spray a little, let it dry, spray a
little more, etc. They went through 2 bottles of the stuff. When he got home
and woke up, he had a hair helmet!
#040 FAX MACHINES. By MAD Mosher, Dale Nurden and The Last Viking.
Ed> Before you do any stunt with your fax machine, remember that most FAX
Ed> machines prints their telephone numbers on the top page of the paper
Ed> they are sending out.
Print out about 8 sheets filled with crap. I dunno - one sheet with "fuck"
written all over, one with "shit", so forth. Stick them together with tape,
and feed into the fax machine. Dial one of their offices and start the
message. When the first sheet comes out the other end, tape it to the end of
the message. You now have one big loop of paper which you can leave. This
will run up their phone bill and use a load of expensive FAX paper at the
other end. Best ideas would be to do this just before clocking off at the
end of the day so that it runs overnight.
--
Totally black paper might overheat the fax machine.
Ed> Only proven to work on real old FAX's.
--
Someone once mentioned that if you sent a file full of form-feed characters
to one of those FAX machines with an automatic paper cutter thingy, the mark
would end up with a pile of 1 inch strips of paper.
--
I created a fax that sent ten pages of supposedly "internal diagnostic
messages", like:
System Error 1207: Internal controller failure.
These were to be followed by one which warned the user to disconnect the
machine and not attempt to use it until "qualified repair personnel" had
serviced it. Then I waited until a Friday afternoon, just before a three day
holiday weekend, and started sending the FAX after 5 PM when I knew no one
would be available to "repair" it.
Other interesting stuff to do with your FAX is to send the first page
"missing". Start the second page so it looks like his machine "ate" the
first page, or someone forgot to send it. Make it look like the FAX
contained vital information from someone he knows. Get him to call everyone
he knows to find out if they sent it. For example, if the second page merely
said:
Page 2
your life. Now that you know what he's planning to do to
you, you can take steps to protect yourself. I wish you luck.
If I can help, please call me. I won't call you, because
your phone is probably tapped and that would just tip him
off. Watch your step, buddy!
Ed> Or place a huge order with the address of your company on page 1.
If he works for a big company, or a secretary is likely to see his faxes
first, send him a really "personal" one from a "lover", identified by first
name only, of course. Get his secretary to start suspecting him. Even if she
never read it, he'll wonder if she did.
#041 UGLY THINGS TO DO WITH SHIT. By The Last Viking and Chris Burroughs.
Just put all the toilet-paper in the toilet, take a shit, then add some
water. It's really easy, and real disgusting. If you are patient enough, you
can flood the whole toilet.
If you want to become utterly tasteless you would just shit in a lamp (You
know that in the ceiling, which you can unscrew) then reinstall it. The
lightbulb will create heat that makes the shit vapor and it will smell
real ugly.
--
I call it the "Upper Decker". All you do is go into a bathroom and lift off
the back part of the toilet. Now stand on the seat and shit into the water
in the back of the toilet. Then just close the lid and wait. In a couple of
days it will start to stink really bad. When it gets all nasty and mushy,
everytime someone flush it, nasty brown water will come out.
#042 DISABLING LOCKS. By Kelton E. Ryan, Oleg, Lyvo and Andrew Barg.
I read somewhere that it can be very effective to stick toothpicks into
somebody's car door lock and break them off. Apparently this cannot be
repaired without great difficulty, the mark will have to take his car in and
probably pay a few bucks to get it fixed.
--
Try dropping couple drip of crazy clue into his/her office's keyhole when
he/she's not in. I normally do that on combination locks.
--
Jam the lock with small bits of wire.
--
You can glue coins to the base of someone's car window. In an attempt to
remove the coins, they will usually shatter the window.
#043 THE MARK'S PARTY. By Darren.
Go to your mark's house when he has a party. Get an old electrical socket,
and leave about 2 feet of it hanging off. Remove the plastic, and twist the
wires together. When you plug it in the socket, the electricity breaker will
trip, thereby turning off the electricity, therefor the lights will go out,
thereby allowing you to rob the house if you want!!!!
It works! I tried it, but I didn't rob the house! It just makes a more
interesting party when no one knows why the fuck all the lights went out,
and is too stupid to check the electrical box and put the breaker back on!
Ed> Just don't electrocute yourself.
#044 JUNK MAIL REPLY. By DanD, JRWinston, Lee Lorenz and Diana Balance.
Glue the entire inside of the envelope together. Or better still, glue many
pieces of paper together, then glue the envelope together. All-in-all pretty
harmless, but imagine the poor schmuck trying to pull that sucker open
without tearing something. Even one better, put a generic check, made out
for $$$ inside, so the schmuck gets distraught at destroying it.
--
You might want to make sure that all address labels and anything inside
containing your name are removed first. I'm told that "misuse" of "business
reply envelopes" is a violation of US Postal Service regulations.
"Discretion is advised", as they say.
--
I like to cross-mail my junk mail. Take company A's crap, extract the
post-paid envelope. Do the same to company B's junk mailing. Insert A's
pamphlets, letters, testimonials, etc, into B's envelope, and vice versa.
Basically, RE-MAIL your junk-mail to some other company, and let the
recipient pay for it! This is most fun with creative selection. Send the
catalog of adult movies to the local church. Send the request for donations
to the local church to the local homeless shelter.
--
Always remember you can mail cockroaches. Just put sugar in a padded
envelope and tape/staple in really well so he'll lose his patience and rip
it open in a hurry.
--
You know those things that fall in a torrent from every magazine you get?
Solution; Send them in blank. No name is required and postage is guaranteed.
Maybe after a few hundred thousand dollars is wasted somebody will wake up?
#045 A SNOW MAN. By DanD.
I've always enjoyed building a snowman over a fire hydrant. There's always
someone to come along who thinks wrecking some kid's snowman is FUN. He
soon discovers that having a broken foot is not fun.
#046 LANDLORD REVENGE. By Frank Reid, Mary, David K. Bryant, Charles Trent
and DanD.
Install a hidden doorbell, or other electric noisemaker in the basement. Run
the wires out to the alley and hide the end under a rock. At 03:00, connect
a battery to the wires just long enough for the lights in the house to go
on. Repeat at random intervals longer than one week.
--
Periodically I would be scheduled to work an all-nighter. Before leaving for
work I would turn off my answering machine and place both of my phones next
to our common bedroom wall. During the night I would call my number and let
it ring five times and hang up. I'd wait thirty seconds and try again. After
ten minutes of that I'd wait maybe half an hour and start again. Sometimes
I'd dial my number and then just put the phone down and go back to work for
half an hour or so. Hey, I was up and awake -- why shouldn't they be?
Another thing you can do is set the alarm clock at, say, 5:30, then just let
it stand there and ring.
--
Do you pay utilities separate from rent? If not, how about leaving the water
running all day and cranking the heat up real high and opening the windows
[assuming its real cold out].
--
Plant some marijuana in the garden. Let it grow a little. Turn them in.
The local law can seize the property, meaning the cops take away the house
and the owners do not get it back! Bullshit laws, but hey. Might as well do
some good with them. The case has to be proven, of course, but it will at
least cause some discomfort.
--
If you're going to move out, leave some raw meat in the heating vents, and
don't hang around.
Ed> Chicken is perfect.
#047 COPS. By The Last Viking and Toby Lane.
You've just driven faster than the speed limit, the police is after you. Now
do this. Drive a bit faster [preferably at the speed limit], just until the
police are just behind you. Then hit the brakes. You know, just lock the
darn wheels. If you are "lucky" the police will drive straight into you, and
you can go out and make the best out of it. BANG! The guy driving into you
from behind is the one who has got to pay for the damages.
--
First of all, be very, very careful. Honest cops can come down on you hard
if they think you are going to mess with them, and corrupt cops are not
restricted by the moral or even legal restraints that the honest ones are.
If you have already antagonized these guys, don't even think of doing
anything for at least six months, as any shit that happens to them will make
them suspect you immediately. If you can, work through a trusted proxy. The
best stunt is to use the cops supposed powers against them.
Find a very attractive married woman that you don't know and get her phone
number [you're creative, you'll think of something] Phone her up from a bar
or public phone and claim to be Officer X. Tell her that you saw her in her
car, and used your car computer to get her phone number and address from the
number plate on her car. Tell her you love her. Be graphic. If she says that
shes married, threaten to arrest the husband on some trumped up charge
[sadly, drug possession charges seem to get severe sentences in the States,
so use this one] so that you can be with her. Do this [with variations] on
as many important and influential people and/or their families as you can.
They will be the only people who are able to wield enough influence to get
rid of Officer Asshole.
#048 FEMALE ATTRIBUTES. By The Last Viking.
If you have access to a scanner/paint-program/printer, then get a picture of
your mark, preferably a woman. Scan it, then surf around the net for a
while, until you find some good [x-rated] pictures, that can be used [Fairly
the same position and distance/light]. Cut'n'paste, smooth it. Do a good job
on it. Then hang it on a display-board at campus or at work.
#049 VISINE AS A LAXATIVE. By Rugger.
If you want to give somebody the shits really quick, then put 2 or 3 drops
of Visine [an eye wash] in their drink and within 15 minutes or so, they'll
be running for the crapper. A bartender told me this trick because he used
to do it to get rid of obnoxious drunks. Visine is available in any
drugstore in the USA.
#050 POWER FAILURE. By Mary.
Sneak in when they are not home and carefully open up the electrical wall
sockets or the tiles of a suspended ceiling. Insert scrap pieces of raw
chicken in the wall or ceiling and close it back up.
The smell will be terrible and they wont be able to figure out where it's
coming from. You could always just hide the pieces around the apt. too,
[under the kitchen sink, in a linen closet, between box spring and
mattress].
#051 STORE WORKER HUMILIATION. Elaine Ford.
Hire a friend [male] to come in the store where your mark work, at the
busiest time of the day. Have him buy one item - condoms. Have him get in
your friends line. During checkout, have him say loudly: "I had a great time
last night [insert jerks name here] honey. Are these the kind you wanted me
to pick up for later?" If he's not a checker or a bagger, ask a clerk if
they could just "call the stud he picked up last night" over the microphone.
#052 THE CAR. By David K. Bryant, Toby Lane, Hiram, Tapas Pain, The Last
Viking, Neil P. Montoya, John Armstrong, Bj�rn Stenbakken,
Kirby, Roy Stewart, Joan Tine, Steve McQueen, Mark, Loop,
Simon Wright, Larry Collins, Gregory Winer, David Morning,
Jim Michael, Prime Risk, Patrick I Buchert, Michael Thomas
Albers, Scott, Billy Soh, J. Kennedy, Jeremy Winter, Troy
Harnish, Jeremy Harrington, Aaron Cake, Humdinger7,
Jennifer Nadobny and Michael Biddle.
Ed> The car revenge section is the biggest part in this Text. Some of the
Ed> credits given above, may not be righteous as I have deleted some of the
Ed> previous ideas, and I really have no clue who wrote what. We also
Ed> have a little warning here, from Timothy Tobin: "You may want to let
Ed> your readers know that obstructing the tail-pipe on vehicles can cause
Ed> carbon monoxide to leak into the passenger cabin and cause death. Just
Ed> thought you should know. Thanks."
You know those little plastic dinosaurs and other cute little kid toys? The
ones that are usually found in bubble gum machines, or even won at the
circus. They make a nice match for superglue. In fact you can make a whole
scene on a car, and they are extremely nice for hood ornaments.
--
Get two or three cans of shaving cream. Open the hood of your mark's car and
set them on the exaust manifold (you may need some duct tape to keep them in
place). The basic idea is, that when the engine warms up, the cans explode,
covering the enging with shaving cream.
Note: Do NOT use things such as WD40, Deoderant, etc. These will explode,
seriously injuring of killing your mark.
Go to the hardware store and buy a small can of butane (the kind you use to
refill a lighter). Drill a small hole in your marks distributer cap. Squirt
a small amount of butane in and quickly cover the hole with duct tape,
epoxy, etc. When the car starts up, the sparking in the distributer will set
off the butane, blowing the distributer cap right off the engine. It could
also damage the rotor, etc.
--
Take a can of paint and tape a paint stirrer to it, or any stick. Place it
under their car so that it will tip over when they back out. If the person
backs into the driveway and leaves forward, they might not notice the paint
until they get back.
Ed> Tar is also effective.
--
A friend of me was able to sabotage a car by putting a lawn sprinkler on the
top of it. He let the sprinkler run through all the cold night and by
morning there was a three foot thick layer of ice on the car.
--
Take "Wilson" brand ping-pong balls, slit half-way through. Fill with
crystal Drano (TM). Tape profusely with black electricians tape. Drop down a
vehicle's gas tank that it will fit in. Then run. Drano and gasoline have a
most violent chemical reaction that will stand even a 73 Ford LTD on it's
nose! [and ping-pong balls dissolve easily in gasoline]
Ed> Some curious mind asked me what Crystal Drano was, and to be honest, I
Ed> had no clue. After airing the question in alt.revenge, I was told that
Ed> it was some kind of chemical to un-clog water pipes in the home.
Miller Steven adds to this:
The stuff is basically the solid stuff that you dissolve in water to get
bleach ---- except that you can make it any concentration you like, because
you buy the solid.
It is mostly sodium hydroxide and sodium hypochlorite, which are two very
strong alkalis, and are very corrosive. (Don't get the stuff on you skin!)
There is also something in there which gives off a bit of ammonia, but I'm
not sure what gives rise to this.
Anyway, make sure you don't add any acid to the solution in water, because
that will give off chlorine gas, which is very toxic. (It was used in WW1
in the trenches.) Or at least, if you do, then do it in a ``well ventilated
area,'' as they say.
--
Try dropping a couple of eggs down the heater intake vent on a car. Normally
located near the windshield. Go ahead and crack the eggs open and drop them
in nicely. Wipe off any that doesn't go in the vent so the customer doesn't
know it's in there. They may notice a strange smell at first, but nothing
compared to how it will smell in a day or two. This smell is virtually
impossible to get rid of, Esp. if it makes it all the way to the heater
core.
--
A very simple way to screw up a car is to remove the balancing weights from
the wheels. The tires will now be out of balance and driving will not be
good on the tires or the suspension. At the very least the mark will have to
spend a while at a tire shop and pay $5 or so per tire to have them
re-balanced.
--
After seeing a special on TV about people who do weird things to their cars,
I thought of something that would be funny to do to someone who is in love
with their car: Find some sort of water soluble glue, or other sticky
substance, and coat the car everywhere but the glass when the mark will not
be near the car for a few days. After the coat apply grass seed.
--
In any case, should you use some other than glue, the seeds would probably
just die. I.e. you might need to do some more elaborate setup. In any case
very cool idea if you could pull it off, saw one car which was grass-coated
on TV but I recall it took pretty long to get it look good.
--
Take some solid dog waste (with thick rubber gloves and use them only once
please) and shove it up and underneath the marks car door handles (do a neat
job, so it's not noticable) in the middle of the night. Watch the show in
the morning when the mark is off to work!
Ed> A plastic-bag is also suitable for picking up dog-trash.
--
Slide under the front and poke some holes in the lower radiator hose using
a sharp ice pick. The puncture should close itself, and everything will be
fine until the engine gets up to temperature and then the coolant will blow
out the holes. Quick & easy. No assembly required.
--
Try using that hardening, expanding window caulk that's used to insulate
cracks and crevasses in the winter. Squirt a liberal amount of that up his
tailpipe early in the evening so it has time to harden over night. If you
get it in far enough, it will be invisible, and baffle him for a while...not
to mention the cost of a tow [$50 around here] + muffler work [another $85]
+ lost work time = fun.
--
Put some sort of racially degrading bumper sticker on his/her car. Survey
the local area and find out what ethnic group is the most militant, and use
that one for your assault. Otherwise, use generic "White Power" or "Give
America Back to Real Americans", "The Klu Klux Klan - Working for Real
Americans."
If their car isn't torched or mutilated within a few days, send them on a
drive through the bad part of town.
--
Cross wire their headlights to their horn. Great way for them to make
friends with the neighbours, especially if they leave home at 5 AM.
--
This one only works in the winter in temps below freezing but it's good. Get
one of those small air tanks, you know like the ones we've all seen on big
pickups or tow trucks [we used to have one in our garage for our bikes when
I was a kid.] Fill it up about 3/4 with water, then pressurize it. Go to the
car you want to revenge and let the air out of one or two tires. Then refill
the tires using the tank you brought with. The water will freeze solid and
every time they take off after having let the car sit a while they'll get a
strange "thump-thump" that mysteriously goes away by the time they ever get
to a mechanic.
Should be sufficient to cause some good repair bills.
--
Feminist used this trick in Oslo mid-70'ties. They sprayed "Hore Kunde."
meaning: "whore customer" at the side of the whore customer's cars. There
are many other things you can spray at a person's car for example blow me,
I have AIDS, I'm cheating my wife, dial (phone no.), I am horny, etc.
--
Three more good ones. "Registered Sex Offender, Child Molester or Paroled
Rapist" - These really improve community relations.
--
Get a hype and fill it with fox urine lure from your local hunting supply.
Insert the needle in the rubber gasket or coaming that seals the window or
door and spray the inside of the car. For months the car will be sticky,
and every time the weather warms up it will smell like a boy fox in love.
--
A friend of me once suranwraped her mark's car. She wrapped the plastic
around the car, from bottom to top. If the car sits in the sun, say Phoenix
Arizona sun, it makes it real fun. Be sure to cover the door handles and
locks.
--
Tie your mark's car to the something on his house, or his other car or
something [use solid rope or a chain] for example, attaching it to the door
knob on the outhouse-door should make much damage.
This works best if the chain or rope is long. Approx. 20-30 meters. Do it in
the dark, and cover the rope with some sand or something. Then you can sit
back and wait for him to drive to his school or job. The longer the rope,
the better, because he will then gain more speed before anything happens.
--
Get a C-clamp from a hardware store. Slide under the car and use the clamp
to squeeze the exhaust pipe flat. But not completely flat. Leave about
1/2cm so that the car will start fine and drive OK in traffic but when heavy
acceleration or high speed driving is needed it is gutless. This should give
similar indications of fuel starvation.
--
A way to polka-dot a car is to throw fresh Bologna on it at night when it is
dewy out. Next day, they peel it off and 'Viola! Polka-dot paint, just what
the doctor ordered.
--
This one would require the mark to be on a long vacation and their car needs
to be kinda hidden from view of too many people. Get a good jack, jack up
their car and make small slits in the tops of the tires. Pour the concrete
in and let it dry. When it is dry lower the car and clean up as much as
possible. Won't they be surprised?
--
Some high students in Ohio [I think] actually pulled this one off. They got
their hands on a large amount of plaster of Paris bandages, the kind wrapped
around splints which harden and form a cast, you know what I'm talking
about? It took four of them ten minutes to completely mummify the car, then
they ran a hose over it and hardened it solid. Difficult and expensive to
pull off.
--
To really fuck up tires, pull out the "stems" with pliers. But leave them
there beside the tires because, for some reason, the schned you have done
this to will almost always try to push them back in. This is an absolutely
hilarious sight if you dare hang around and watch it.
--
Get the distributor cap, take it out, and run a simple graphite pencil over
the rotor brushes. The engine will sputter and misfire.
--
Three or four Alka-Seltzers in each battery compartment will kill it quicker
than prunes through a short granny.
--
For the fuel tank, the following I recommended Crushed cork, Silicone
carbide or sugar, but make it icing sugar. Shellac thinner added to "gas" as
you guys call it, will cause the engine to sputter and misfire, but it goes
out the exhaust pretty quickly. Use about a gallon, and keep adding it over
a time. The car owner will keep taking it to a mechanic, who will keep
finding nothing wrong with the engine, annoying them both.
--
Styrene, don't add it to the "gas" but to the oil. It breaks down the oil
and this locks up the engine. You need to use about one pint to every four
quarts of oil, and it will take about 1.5 to 2 hours of road time.
One final piece of advice. When adding stuff to a "gas" tank, put the stuff
in a metal gasoline can. That way anyone who sees you will assume that it is
gasoline. Don't forget a funnel. Seems obvious, but I've forgotten, ahem or
would have if I had ever actually done any of these tricks which of course I
haven't, they're illegal and I would never dream of blah blah blah..
--
With some very trusted friends, put your mark's car on blocks and take off
all the nuts on the wheels. Put super-glue on the "threads" of the bolts and
screw on the nuts as tightly as possible. Then file the edges of the nuts so
they cannot be gripped by a spanner easily. Then puncture all four tires.
His mechanic will need literally weeks to get it back on the road.
--
Put the car it in neutral, put it in a handicapped space, put an anti-police
bumper sticker on it, and call the cops. I recommend, "BEAUTIFY THE WORLD --
KILL A COP TODAY!"
The cop will find extra citations. If you are really mean, a little bag of
pot tucked past the door-frame where it can be seen [stretch the door top
out and drop it through] will put him into the nightmare world of our legal
system.
--
If he already has his own locking gas cap, you could make it "REAL SECURE"
for him. Break off some toothpicks and super glue or epoxy them into the
lock.
--
Go to an Auto parts store purchase a locking gas cap and then replace the
cap on your mark's car with it. Just remember to wipe off your prints, never
buy one with a check or card.
--
I have found that the viscous paint stripper does a - Billy Crystal -
marvelous job on automobile paint. Be sure the surface is dry. A little dew
reduces the effect.
Ed> Try tape used for sealing envelopes.
A previous suggestion of draining the oil from the engine is fine as far as
it goes but unfortunately there are gauges and warning lights. Try the
transmission. One benefit of this is that they will breakdown somewhere
besides the front yard.
--
A lot of people are curious of engines and cars in general. How to disable
them, how to *creatively re-condition* them. Below is a list of suggestions I
have picked up over the years. It is by no means exhaustive, and may be
inaccurate in certain cases, but from what I have seen and heard, is fairly
reliable.
Engines [if you have access to under the hood]
- Attack on the distributor with a graphite pencil is fun.
- A solution is available [from Force Ten] that can turn oil into Jello.
- Styrofoam or Tide in engine oil.
- Naphtha in engine oil.
- Drain oil, into a container, so that there are no traces.
Tires
- Spray WD40 onto the rotors and into the drums.
- Fill tires with propane. Adapters can be bought at auto parts stores.
Fuel
- Styrofoam [crushed] in gas tank works wonders.
- Dissolve moth balls in gas and add to target tank. This will make the
engine run so hot, the engine oil breaks down, engine seizes. It is hard
to trace and damage is already done when person realizes engine is hot.
- Punch a hole in the fuel tank, then call the fire Dept. Car gets towed,
and the owner will be fined.
Paint
- Liquid scratch is available from Force Ten, and it is really problematic
to paint.
Locks
- Broken keys in door locks are good for a medium pi** off, but
can be extracted.
- Two part epoxy is interesting. Locks must be replaced. Do trunk as well.
--
I have discovered a good way of dirtying someone's windscreen. The dirt
agent is glue sticks from a hot glue gun. It's very easy. Just warm it with
your hands a little, then rub it real hard over the mark's windscreen.
--
Here's something fun for car windshields/windows. Concrete sealant is a
nasty, sticky liquid that is used to water-seal concrete after it is poured.
Anyways, if you spray/pour this crap on someone's windows it will make a
lovely cloudy, yellow coating on it.
--
Coat the mark's windshield wipers with glue and then cover with sand. Next
rain, their windshield will be scratched to hell!
--
A trick I used to do, was take small glass vials stolen from the doctors
office and fill them with vaseline, or some other viscous substance. I'd cap
them and carry them around until some dumb-ass jock tried to express his
sexual frustrations, and penile inadequacies by trying to run me over in his
car. Then I would pull a vial out of my pocket and throw it as hard as I
could at his windshield. As jocks are not the smartest people in the world,
he would inevitably turn on his wipers thus smearing the grease all over his
windshield.
#053 GRAFFITI WITH AJAX. By Toby Lane.
If you want graffiti that will really stick around, get a big sheet of paper
and write your message on it with liquid Ajax [for you Americans, Comet?]
Something like "[Mark] blows goats" or whatever. You take the paper to the
wall, douse it in lighter fluid, stick it to the wall, make a lighter
fluid trail away from the wall and light it. The whole thing burns in about
one second, so there is no fire danger, but your message gets stuck to the
wall by some chemical process, and it is virtually impossible to get off.
#054 THE POOL. By John Hong, L. A. Spangler and Florin Cutzu.
Just pour dysenteric shit in the pool - you may get it [freely!] from any
Infectious Diseases clinic; if not, thoroughly mix a hefty volume of fresh,
steaming, healthy shit with warm water, and add it to the pool. A good eye
infection is guaranteed.
--
Fling in rancid fatty chicken/fish parts ferchristsakes. If there are any
scavenger birds in the area, they will just add to the amusement. I am told
vulture shit is VERY gross. The fat should leave a nice ring. A road kill/
large animal carcass would be rather impressive.
Also, consider motor oil/crisco/lard/etc. If you used used motor oil and
finked on'em to the EPA/Local TV maybe they would have to call in a
hazardous waste disposal company instead of just sending it down the drain.
Add some Styrofoam peanuts/cups and gasoline, and light the pool at night
with a model rocket motor, a battery and a long wire?
I had great fun just lobbing mud balls into a pool -- makes a nice plop
sound and leaves nice round dirt rings on the pool bottom. Another thing
that could be cool is throwing plaster/clay/cement/gravel into the pool. If
you poured enough cement into the bottom drain quickly so the pump get
jammed, the cement might still have enough lime to harden underwater.
In the *real sick* section, we have: Really firm floating feces, used
sanitary napkins/tampax, used diapers, used condoms or scanky underwear
--
Kodak, and other chemical companies sell classes of chemicals called
surficants. These essentially make water more slippery. In a fountain with
close tollerance, water hits 1 inch from edge, a good surficant can send the
water splashing 3 inches beyond the fountain pool. Drain the fountain in
short order, and burn out the pump.
Another alternative would be long chain polymers, the same stuff things like
astro-gel and slippery-stuff is made out of. It's not hard to duplicate the
recipe. A good friend did. But should make hot-tubbing a lot more fun.
#055 THE SHOWER. By Denise L Voskuil, Frank Reid, David Gillies, DanD,
Cathleen Gallagher, John L. Kinsella and Dylan Hayes.
Take a pill capsule [the gelatine ones are best]. Open it and fill with
methaline blue dye which comes in powder form, is non toxic but very, very
good at stains. Fill the capsule with the powder. Smear the pill in some
vaseline. Insert pill into shower head. Mark runs water, gets in a then blue
dye comes out staining mark very well [especially good with blond hair!]
You may need some practise to make a pill that last just long enough for the
mark to get in the shower.
--
If the mark is a habitual person, unscrew the shower head in the shower you
expect him/her to use, and drop a bouillon cube or two in. The hot water
will slowly melt the cube and the victim probably won't notice until it's
too late. The smell hangs on for a day or so. This worked well in my dorm.
--
Empty their bottle of shampoo, then fill it back up with Nair.
Ed> uh, won't the mark notice a slight difference?
--
A follow-up to my previous posting on the effectiveness of Nair: the stuff
may not always be effective on leg hair, from my personal experience. I
haven't personally been revenged by the "Nair in the shampoo" method, nor
have I done it -- this should clarify my previous remarks. My SO did this
to someone, and it caused a fair amount of hair loss, with some clumps lost.
The results may vary according to how much Nair you put in the shampoo
bottle. Also, try to get a type that smells pretty good -- I think there's
different scents, and from my recollection it does have a distinct smell.
You don't want to tip off your target when they pour out the shampoo. BTW,
the stuff is opaque, so if they use transparent shampoo, it'll be
noticeable.
Finally, see if they sell an "extra-strength" version, to really wreak
havoc.
--
Try substituting real honey for the mark's honey-coloured shampoo. Honey has
a slight odor that the mark may detect, and it's water-soluble, so this is a
mild trick. If you want to get really nasty, use STP oil treatment. It's not
only odorless but, unlike most oils, soap won't dissolve it!
--
It seems to me that the trouble with spiking shampoo with a depilatory is
that you just whack the stuff on your head, squeegee it about a bit, and
rinse off. What you need is something that is going to stay on the mark's
bounce for a bit longer. How about conditioner? A minute's exposure might
not turn the mark into Yul Brynner, but it's got to be better than the few
seconds exposure you get from shampoo. I guess the ultimate medium would be
a home perm kit, or a hair dye solution. After all, you don't want to wash
that out.
--
To add Nair, pour a small amount of shampoo into a cup. Add Nair to the
remaining shampoo until you can smell it, just remember to add a little at
the time and shake it each time. Add a little of the shampoo from the cup to
the bottle.
The small amount you add back will cover the slight smell you detected after
adding the Nair.
#056 DOGGIES. By Toby Lane, DanD, Thomas Gauldin, Doug Clayton, DCrowder,
Stryk9, Stuart Ransley, Cyberknight, Yankee and Brent
Volden.
Ed> A dog is an animal. An animal can not be held responsible for it's
Ed> actions. If it's owner doesn't take proper care of his dog, then it will
Ed> become scared and it will bark. This is the owner's fault, not the fault
Ed> of the animal. My advice to you is to go after the owner, and to read
Ed> the alt.revenge FAQ.
--
We had a problem with our neighbour's dog taking a dump in our garden.
Finally, a friend of mine helped me collect a bucketfull of dog-shit from
his and some others dogs. We put it into our mark's mailbox and sealed
everything with rubber cement.
--
Buy a dog whistle and go out about 4AM and start blowing it. It will
probably make the dog bark *Hopefully* When they come out to check, the dog
stop doing it. Wait ten minutes until they are asleep again and..
--
"Dognap" the critter, sedating it first is recommended, and take it to a the
most expensive kennel you can find. Explain that you are going away for a
week and demand the very best for little Foo-Foo [or Chopper or whatever
its name is] Leave them your neighbour's address and phone number and make a
cash down payment for the first day if necessary, which it sometimes is.
Your neighbour will get a call about ten days and several hundred bucks
later.
--
They make bark-deterrent devices that don't need to be attached to the dog.
When the device detects a bark, it emits a high-frequency sound that hurts
the dog. Every time it barks, it gets a painful blast. It will learn not to
bark soon enough.
--
If the dog is left outdoors at night, become its friend. Then, shave it - or
just its rear. If its rear is shaved, grease it up and make an anonymous
call to the police to report the person as a pervert having sex with the
dog.
--
Dogs sniff territory right? Yes.. but pay attention to the next time they
sniff a tree. They sniff until they get to the height the the urine can be
smelled most strongly. This tells them the height of the animal who has
marked the tree and therefore who's territory they are in.
Go down to the zoo and buy lunch for the caretaker of big cats. Get a good
sized pack of dung and urine and rub it on the trees in your area about
three feet from the ground. Your dog problems will disappear, as that would
make the animal stand at about four feet at the shoulder. Bow wow OW!
--
There's also this stuff you can put on your lawn that will make it rather
uncomfortable if it lays cable there, in fact the dog usually makes the
connection and doesn't shit there anymore.
Ed> Maybe this ain't revenge, but it's definitely a solution. Consult your
Ed> local pet store.
--
If a dog poops on your yard, dress it up in a cute little doggie sweater.
One that covers its ass so it gets its own poop all over itself before it
goes home. No harm to the dog, but boy, won't the owners be eager to hug
and play with the little guy!
Ed> Or use a diaper!
--
After you have cleaned up the shit sprinkle heaps of black pepper over the
spot where the dog shit was. The next time fido comes by he will sniff
around and the pepper will drive him nuts.
Or if it is the same mutt and his owner that is causing all the trouble
collect all the dog shit, put it in a bag, follow them home and either throw
it all over their lawn or return it to the owner
--
If you have problems with a neighbour's dog coming into your yard, and the
owner turns a deaf ear. Take some ripe rancid fish, or meat and place it in
a mesh onion sack and stake it to the ground in your yard. The dog will roll
on and rub against the onion sack until they smell as bad as the fish. When
it returns to its owner's home, then owner will quickly decide to keep the
dog on his own property.
#057 FIBERGLASS IN THE CLOTHES. By Toby Lane.
Put a small piece of fiberglass in with their clothes when they're in the
spin dryer. It itches like hell and may give them a rash. Or try some
coloured wax crayons.
#058 THE ROOMMATE HAS A BORING GIRLFRIEND. By Martin Hannigan.
Be really nice to her. By her a small gift every now and then. Smile at her
a lot. Look at her tits as much as possible. Comment on her ass to her
boyfriend.
Piss in the hamper. Pray at the dinner table, or whenever they are around.
Fart in front of them.
#059 THE DORNMATE STEALS THE FOOD. By John Hein, Christopher G. Wakefield,
Mike Smith, Phinn, John Hein and Brian
Smith-White.
Another jolly scheme involves a frozen chicken, and a fridge that you know
will not be stolen from. Remove frozen chicken from secure fridge every
night and defrost it. In the morning, return it to the fridge to freeze. Do
this for a week, then put it into the fridge from which comestibles are
walking. A considerable case of food poisoning should result!
--
Try fart powder available in magic shops.
--
I found a pint-sized carton of chocolate milk and "ripened" it for a few
days by leaving it on top of the heater in my room. After a couple of weeks
I put it back in the dorm fridge. Mere hours later someone attempted to
drink it. Didn't lose any more food the rest of the quarter.
--
Bake any amount of chocolate flavored Ex-Lax into a recipe that normally has
chocolate. Also make sure to include the normal amount of chocolate. If
anyone asks just say they are "double chocolate" or some garble like that.
It's also good to disguise the flavor with additional chocolate. A really
nifty way of hiding it is "chocolate chip" brownies. Make the brownies as
you normally would but include chopped up Ex-Lax instead of the chocolate
chips.
You can also spoil yogurt, and hide the taste with fruit or whatever else
you want to add. Yogurt has an inherently sour tasting food anyway, so it's
easy to mask spoiling. This may cause several forms of stomach pain. Syrup
of Ipecac also mixes very well into yogurt. This substance is sold in very
small doses at your local drugstore. It induces vomiting instantly.
You could also bake "decoys". Substitute baking soda for sugar, or flower.
This makes for a reasonable looking, but thoroughly awful tasting
concoction. Best with yellow or light brown muffins.
Then there's the psychological terror you can invoke. After several cookies
or brownies have been stolen go to get one yourself and "find" a dead bug
in the box. Make several comments about laying eggs. This is usually best
when accompanied by one of the above tactics. It might make them wonder how
exactly they came to need to use the bathroom so frequently for whatever
reason.
--
You could always try Antabuse in their food before they go out for a drink.
--
It is expensive, but a motion-detector which sets off a loud, annoying noise
inside of a "lunch" container will get the culprit immediately after the
act. Place the prick-detector in a location where it will be visible to many
individuals over the entire course of the day.
#060 THE ROOMMATE. By Martin Hannigan, Nancy Passwater, Crystal V. Freitas,
Denise L Voskuil and Belina Jones.
Sneak into your roommate's wardrobe and cut every button of every single
item of clothing that he owns. Don't forget to hide the buttons.
--
Why not coat all of the clean dishes with that stuff people put on their
fingernails to keep from biting them? I used it once, it tastes repulsive.
I suggested he/she do this right before they pack up to leave after their
lease runs out.
--
That stuff hardens like nail polish, so I'm not sure what it would do
on dishes. It might work if hot food is put on the plate. Then again, it
might flake off and be noticed before eating - though they'd still have a
hell of a time cleaning the dishes off.
One possibility is the "Bitter Apple/Lime/etc." sprays and pastes. It's a
non-harmful but bitter substance used to keep pets from chewing on things,
and comes in a pump spray [there's also a no-alcohol version for plant
leaves - I suspect the alcohol version may last longer] and a tube of paste.
You could spray it on their dishes, pour some into their juice, mix it into
their jelly/jam, and so on.
--
Place a Snickers bar, or one with chocolate and peanuts in their bed,
preferably while they're sleeping. The body heat will melt the candy bars
and the result will be chocolate and peanuts smeared all over the mark. It
will appear as though the subject had shit himself.
Remember to take the wrappers away and discard them where they aren't
obvious. Take pictures of the mark when they get out of bed if possible.
--
What about some bleach in their liquid clothes detergent? Especially the
brand they use to do their coloured clothes in.
Comet with bleach, the cleanser, might make a good paste when mixed with
some water to replace the toothpaste with and I don't think there is any
long-lasting side affects as it is so kind to bathroom appliances. [Actually
I can swear to this -- I ate comet as a kid and I'm sort of all right.]
There are several bathroom cleansers that might mix well with toothpaste and
leave a bad tasting mouth and burning gums, or go into the conditioner.
Crazy glue in hair gel? Or bleach in any kind of spritzing hair spray - this
would be most interesting if they have dark hair, and you would be able to
see the effects quickly.
Brian Miller> I wouldn't recommend mixing Comet or any other cleaners with
Brian Miller> bleach. The combination can cause a chemical reaction that
Brian Miller> emits noxious fumes, proven to kill pranksters and marks!
#061 GROCERY STORES. By George 'Pinhead' Curtis, Richard R. Moore, The
Weekday Warrior and Roger Orton.
My boss and I had some trouble between us. So, one night I took a bottle of
bleach and unscrewed the cap, then I put it back on [it was still loose]. I
made a small puncture in the bottom of the bottle and left it sitting in the
top of a buggy.
Sure enough he comes along and sees it dripping on his freshed waxed floor.
He picks it up and turns it over at the same time. His pants are instantly
white-washed for free, courtesy of me.
--
If you're working in a grocery store where you can make free calls for
deliveries, orders, etc. and you want some revenge on your boss. Try one of
those sex numbers. Put a tape on the hang-up so that when the boss picks it
up in a couple of hours he will have a $500.00 phone bill. You can also try
this, plus connecting the speaker to the loudspeakers in the store.
Go up to the deli and order about 3 pounds of fish. Just say it's for a
customer. Now when nobody's looking stick it way up a cash register or far
behind an aisle. In about 2 days the place will smell like somebody died.
If your store has radiators or heat sources, take a carton of cream and open
it up and put in the the radiator. It will smell like somebody shit and it
will blow it all over the store. This is really a great way of discouraging
customers.
--
Go to the grocery store on the first Saturday of the month, typically the
busiest day of the month, get a grocery cart and pick a customer that is
dressed in a manner that makes them look like a stereotypical shop-lifter.
Preferably one that is dressed a bit heavy for the weather. walk up to the
store manager in an excited manner and tell him " That man/woman just put 2
packages of steaks down his pants." This should lead to some interesting
events for the store.
Breed some maggots and drop them in their meat case just before closing and
call your local health department.
Find out information about the store such as names of the department
managers,store manager,store number, and address of the store. Then call
local meat distributors in the early afternoon, 2PM to 3PM, tell them you
are at store number XXX and need to come by and get a few cases of Ribeyes
( expensive ). If the distributor acts like he doesn't know what store it
is they probably don't have an account there so try another distributor.
Once you have a properly responsive person taking your order, go pick up
your Ribeyes and have a barbecue, inviting me of course :-). If you start
shopping there and get friendly with the right people you can ask which
local distributors they buy from. BTW what I have described here is very
common practice in meat departments and would not seem out of the ordinary
to a distributor so long as the store has an existing account.
You could also get a part-time job in the store. This should not be very
hard to do since turnover is very high in a grocery store. Find out where
the control panels are for the freezers and coolers and one day when you
are working until the store closes turn off the freezers and coolers. This
should cause a substantial loss for the store.
--
Is there a bagboy/-girl who needs a bit of vengeance? A harmless yet funny
trick is to make them go "shake the salad dressing." This works best on
newer employees. Make the story go "all oil dressings must be shook once a
week, so they will retain their flavor. Have the bagboy go and shake and
rotate all the bottles. Yours truly fell for this when I was a young and
ignorant sixteen year old. Sore arms will be included, and to watch this is
extremely funny.
Try to hide a rubber snake in the shrimp. When the clerk grabs a handful of
shrimp and pulls out the snake, it should generate a hearty bellow. This
worked in our store, luckily it was not me who was the mark.
Turning off the door opening sensors can create plenty of frustration
Usually the switch is on the sensor itself. As you pass through, reach up
and turn it off.
When I was a bagboy, I hated nothing more than idiots who would come in to
shop when it was raining. These bastards would have an umbrella, run to
their car, unlock the trunk, then jump in the car. I would get drenched
putting their groceries in the trunk, which infuriated me. Revenge? Simple!
If they do not tip you, you have the God given right to receive
reconciliation. Place their groceries in the trunk, and walk away, leaving
the trunk open! Everything gets soaked, plus, the idiot has to get out of
their car! This really pisses people off. My friend got fired for doing
this, but he says it was worth it.
#062 MISCELLANEOUS. By Tapas Pain, Lance Stahlberg and Digitar.
- Put oil slicks on their driveway [not big ones, just slightly behind the
tires of their pickups.]
--
- Take the guy's bed and put it out in either the study lounge, lobby, or
bathroom.. fully made of course.
- Shaving cream in his socks.
- Shaving cream at the foot of his bed.
- Icy-Hot in the jock strap.
- Replace his/her shampoo w/ maple syrup.
--
Before moving out of a really gross basement suite, known as THE SWAMP
because it was a fungusy, moldy mess, a friend of mine did the following:
- Broke all of the light-bulbs, even fridge and oven.
- Filled all the telephone jacks with mustard.
- Unscrewed the bottom hinges on all the cabinet doors [They kinda flopped
when opened.]
- Pulled out all switch/outlet plates and intercom cover and scattered them
randomly throughout the place.
- Filled the kitchen sink with kitty litter, and let the tap run a bit.
- Emptied out moldy contents of fridge into toilet tank.
- Poured the oil from one dirty deep fryer (2L) into the bathtub. Some of it
made it down the drain before solidifying.
- Left a Tortilla in the toilet bowl, sorta floating on the water, but kinda
wrapping up the sides of the bowl with a big smiley face rendered in
mustard on it.
- Left reason for leaving on a piece of cardboard that read "Had to go. Too
much mould. There was no cleaner for us."
#063 UNFAITHFUL WIFE. By Dave Bushong.
I know someone whose wife at the time was fooling around on him, but thought
no one knew. She used the tactic "best defense is a good offense", telling
people that the husband was actually sleeping around. So the guy laser-
prints up this survey form, and rents a PO Box, and mails her the survey
form. It says "this form is being sent to ten thousand random women who
subscribe to [some magazine that she gets]. You will remain anonymous, so
please be totally honest." In fact, this was the only copy of the survey,
but she was pretty stupid, and fell for it.
It was a survey about marital fidelity, and asked questions like "How many
men other than your husband have you had relations with," "How often were
you unfaithful," and stuff like that. Anyway, she answered honestly, and
mailed the form back to the PO Box.
This piece of paper came in really handy when they were discussing the terms
of their divorce.
#064 DESTROYING A RELATIONSHIP. By Ed Butler, Warren Savage and Toby Lane.
Ed> It helps if the relationship is already wiggling.
Get a girl to call up looking for this guy when the wife is home. When the
wife says "He's not here, can I take a message?" get the girl to hang up.
The younger and more nervous the girl sounds, the better this works.
Leave used condoms in his car, his briefcase, the pockets of his coats,
anywhere his wife is likely to find them. Get the wife paranoid. If she is
looking for something, she'll find out what what's happening eventually.
When that happens, you might encourage her by posting here every newspaper
and magazine clipping on Lorena Bobbit you can find, you never know your
luck.
--
Get a condom packet, and put it were the mark will not find it, but where
the significant-other will. The SO will either confront the mark who will
of course deny all knowledge and not be believed, or not confront the mark
but assume they have been unfaithful and give them the cold shoulder.
This could work in almost all relationships. As a matter of fact you could
leave a used condom in some findable hiding spot and it would be even
better. If the mark finds it he would probably assume the significant other
was screwing around.
--
Buy some raunchy, sleazy sex toys. You know, realistic dildoes, artificial
vaginas, butt plugs, whatever. Wrap them up in traditional christmas wrap,
with and
labels. Time the packages to arrive as close to Christmas as possible. You
want Junior and Sis to open these packages and examine the contents. You
want Mr. Manager and spouse to hurriedly take the neat toys away from Junior
and Sis. You want Mr. Manager to mistrust Mr. Mark.
#065 EMAIL FORGERY. By The Last Viking.
Ed> There are many WWW to mail gateways, and many of them has anonymous
Ed> features. They are safer than doing this email forgery. This is for
Ed> educational purpose only.
Telnet to port 25 of your local machine. Try:
telnet [host] 25
And then type help. It should show you something like:
214-Commands:
214- HELO MAIL RCPT DATA RSET
214- NOOP QUIT HELP VRFY EXPN
214-For more info use "HELP ".
214-smtp
214-To report bugs in the implementation contact Sun Microsystems
214-Technical Support.
214-For local information contact postmaster at this site.
214 End of HELP info
From there you type:
mail from: root[return] - or you can use a fake address or whatever.
rcpt to: [email address of your mark] [return]
data[return]
And then type what ever you want sent from root at your site to him, and end
it with a "." on a line by it's self. And then type quit.
And you have just done a very basic forging of mail from your administrator
to him. WARNING: I believe doing this is illegal in the US, I'm not sure
about other countries, though.
--
If you write HELO [email address] then you can forge something from
wherever you want.. Eg. helo president@whitehouse.gov, you could also
use their host. The path would look more believable then.
WARNING!! This is strictly illegal. If your mark ask your sysadmin, and
he starts to look into it, then you're going to be discovered for sure.
Everything what you do on your system is probably audit filed, iow, they
can trace back and see who did it. Even if you telnet to a foreign host,
they will be able to trace it. Althou' they then have to do it through
those foreign sysadms. Be careful, people has lost their account on less
than this.
WARNING! Read the alt.revenge FAQ before you do anything stupid on Inet.
#066 CONTACT ON INTERNET. By The Last Viking.
The general idea here is to post an article in a contact group, telling
readers to contact your mark. First of all, you have to have an anonymous
account. anon.penet.fi is currently the most used one. To get information on
how to use it, email help@anon.penet.fi, in a while you will get a response
with a script that contains information on how to use the system. The system
is very slow, so you might have to wait a while. Try also email to
ping@anon.penet.fi, just to confirm your anon number. It might take some
hours to process, but it works.
You will then have an account number, this number represents your ID. Read
the info on how to work the anon account, and post your article.
It can be like: "lonely guy 25 year, blond, 6'5" tall, looking for men to
bond with, call me at [the guy's phone no.]", or it could be like "I want
girls for hot phone sex, call..", or "Call my new BBS for hot software
[phone no.]"
Post to groups like: alt.sex,alt.sex.wanted,alt.personals or groups like
alt.amiga.software,alt.pc.software,alt.bbs, or groups like alt.market,
alt.forsale, or groups like alt.fan.[name of a music group.]
#067 NEWS FORGERY. By The Last Viking.
Ed> There are many WWW to news gateways, and many of them has anonymous
Ed> features. They are safer than doing this NNTP forgery. This is for
Ed> educational purpose only.
There are many ways to forge news-articles, one that is easy is to telnet to
port 119 and talk directly to the news-server.
My news-server is called news.uit.no, so when I want to access it directly,
I'll have to write:
telnet news.uit.no 119
I will then be communicating directly with my news-server. If I write 'help'
then I will get a list of all the commands that I can use. 'post' is the
command I must use to send a news-article. The great thing about talking
directly to the news-server is that you specify what your news-agent usually
specifies.
First you have to construct the header, it may look like this:
Path: midgaard!valhall!odinserv1!eric
Newsgroups: alt.test
Distribution: world
Followup-To:
From: odin@valhall.no (Berserking Viking)
Sender: odin@valhall.no (Berserking Viking)
Organization: Viking Haircutters.
Subject: This is a test
Message-ID:
There is no line-feed at the top, and I just used this header to show you
how it can be done. After you have written this, then you can start writing
your article. The stop by writing a "." character on a line for itself [same
as email forging.] Now just write quit to exit the server. The
article will be posted when you have written the "."
The most important line in the header is the Message-ID line. The ID in
front of the address must be unique. If it isn't, then everything will hang
or cause failure. I suggest you use a date with some random number.
On most NNTP-servers there are limited access. IOW, you can't use other than
your own news-server. It would be hopeless for you to try to telnet into
ours if you are not at Uit. There are some public NNTP servers around in
eg. Finland and Germany. You might want to try those. It is easier to trace
the article back to you if you sent it from your own server.
WARNING! To forge news-articles are illegal. Especially if you are using
someone elses' name/ID. Everything you do on the UNIX system is most likely
audit filed, that means that your sysop can trace back and check what you
have done on the news-server. If you have done something illegal you are
most likely to loose your account.
How it can be used - a while ago, some guy set me in a alt.test trap. So,
what I did to revenge this was to enter a foreign NNTP server and then
forge a news-article from him to alt.test, misc.test and some other test
groups. His mailbox got full of test articles and he wasn't able to trace it
back to me. He is a bud, so I told him. If he weren't a bud he could have
told the sysop then I would be in deep shit. That was just a warning of how
things might end...
BTW, if you just want to change your online-name, try writing 'chfn' from
the UNIX prompt. Some system has limited access on that command, but it is
worth a try.
WARNING! Read the alt.revenge FAQ before you do anything stupid on Inet.
#068 EMAIL FLOOD. By The Last Viking.
I just got a cool idea for email flood, just forge an email from a person
account to a mailing-list telling them that you are interested in
participating. After a while his mailbox will be full of waste and some of
those lists are a bit hard to unsubscribe as he would have to search through
some documentation first and that's work. Remember that this will most
likely be traced. If you want to use a script for mail-bombing then take a
look at the Avenger's Front Page.
as for how to forge an email, see 065.
#069 EXAM DISTRACTION. By Mark.
On exam days, they lengthen the periods from 50 minutes to 2 hours, and you
are absolutely not allowed to go to the bathroom during class on those days.
So, naturally the to pull is to slip copious amounts of Ex-Lax into your
mark's drink while he's not looking. Needless to say, he'll be a little
"distracted" come test time.
#070 NOISY APARTMENT NEIGHBOURS. By Mark Landers, Flightline and Genghis
Floyd.
Get a cheap plug-in radio and a large cardboard box. Open one end of the
box, put the radio in and tape the open end firmly against the wall next to
their bedroom. Keep the box off the floor [no reason to disturb the people
downstairs.] Tune the radio to a station with lots of percussion music,
country-western is great. The radio doesn't have to be very loud, the box
acts as an acoustic coupler to the wall. The bigger the box the better.
Turn the radio on when you get up. Off when you go to sleep. Do this every
day. If anybody asks why just say you're afraid of burglars.
--
A friend of mine used to live above some obnoxious noisy neighbours. His
solution was to obtain a rather large bowling ball and hold it up in the air
and drop it at random intervals throughout the day. Needless to say the
neighbours soon stopped.
--
A variation on the above, is A 50lb weightlifting plate. Take the plate and
spin it on the floor like you would a quarter on the tabletop. Makes a sound
akin to a freight train. As an added bonus, when its just about to settle
down flat, jump on it!
#071 BAD SERVICE AT RESTAURANTS. By Der Jeff and The Last Viking.
If McDonald's, Wendy's, BK or some other fastfood restaurant has annoyed you
in some way, return there at night with a bullhorn/megaphone and crouch down
outside in the bushes behind the talk-box in the drive-thru lane. When
someone pulls up to place their order, be as rude as possible while
impersonating the clerk [shout profanities, scream, burp etc.] This will
hurt the restaurant's business as well as lead to numerous complaints from
unsuspecting customers.
Write a letter to the shop's manager, saying that you were in the drive-thru
on that particular night and were subjected to this verbal abuse, and "as a
frequent customer, I no longer feel welcome." This might lead to the manager
sending you some coupons for free food.
--
Flashing! Yeah, you heard right. Some people here got slightly irritated by
the service on one of our restaurant. The next day they drove up to the
window of the restaurant, and one of the guys stuck his bare ass out of the
car-window. The restaurant got curtains up in the windows the next day. I
guess they'd gotten some complaints about this incident?
#072 FARM MANURE. By David Morning.
A secretary I knew was harassed out of her job by a new boss who had a habit
of groping her. She waited until her boss was going on holiday, handed in
her notice to quit and ordered 30 tons of farm manure for his front lawn.
Boss returned from holiday to find stinking mountain of two week old farm
manure burying his entire garden and a demand for payment for said manure.
In the UK, lots of companies who sell double glazing, fitted kitchens,
bathrooms, bedrooms etc offer a free home visit and quote service. It
usually involves a torturous two hour hard sell grilling. Just phone lots of
them sending them to your mark.
Ed> I am not sure how this will work, maybe the company wants a signature.
Ed> But then again, you might be able to pull it off.
#073 AT A PUBLIC LAUNDRY STORE. By Stephen Boursy.
Fill up all free washers with loads of detergent, remember the old 'I Love
Lucy' show when she was overcome by foam from her washer. You could also
pour in substance like heavy grease or paint, etc. that would cause
permanent damage although I don't know if the situation warrants it. Poke
holes in the rubber pipes leading to the washers - little ones at first and
then make them progressively bigger over time.
The other suggestion is to jam the coin insert part of the machine with
bented coins, or foreign objects. This can take a very long time to fix and
results in a lot of lost business and frustration.
#074 SCREWING UP A CD. By Stephen J. Weil.
If you want to screw up a CD without just smashing it, then try just put it
into the microwave. About 4-5 seconds should do the trick. It looks kind of
neat too.
#075 PLASTIC CUPS ON THE FLOOR. By Werther.
Pick a time when you know the mark is away from his room. Get a few hundred
plastic cups and fill them up with water. Using a plastic card or a keypick,
get into his room and place the cups one-by-one to cover the entire floor
in his room. Spray some shaving cream for sophistication and leave quietly.
Ed> This is kind of like a prank, but well, oh..
#076 TO KILL A TREE. By Harry Conwi and Michael P. Johnson.
Fill a bucket or two with hot water and dissolve a few bags of salt in it.
Pour it at the base of the tree. Depending on the tree's strength, you may
have to do this a few times. But it'll drive them nuts trying to figure out
why this tree is slowly dying.
A more obvious method is to strip about six inches of bark from a round the
tree. This prevents either the nutrients produced by the leaves from getting
to the roots for storage or vice versa. But it works and it works fast.
--
A much more effective way to dispose of an annoying neighbour's tree is to
get some copper tacks, or nails and put them in the roots. Clip the heads
off, so they will be inconspicuous.
#077 MACINTOSH. By OJ and CyberKnight.
Does your mark have a Macintosh computer? If he has system 7.5 then he
probably has a program called "Shut Down" in the Apple menu items folder.
Put that in the startup items folder and the computer will shut down every
time he try to start it up.
--
Record a .snd file on your Mac. Something obscene and masturbatus. Save it
on her computer as her alert sound.
#078 TOWING CARS. By Prime Risk.
Tired of some jerk parking in your reserved space at work or apartment/
townhome? Try this one. Get a valve stem key [check your local discount
store's automotive or bicycle department], loosen the valve stems a little
to flatten the tires. Here's the trick, spread some finely broken glass near
the tires in your parking spot. Now you can call the manager or towing
company to have the car removed. If the mark returns before the tow truck
gets there they will suppose they got flats from the glass they must have
ran over. Remember to flatten at least two tires, most people have one
spare, but few have two.
--
Have them towed out of their own spot! Call the towing company at 3 AM and
act like an extremely tired property manager with an angry tenant yelling in
the background. Ask them to just take care of it and you'll come down to
their office and fill out any paperwork in the morning. They'll probably ask
for a no. to call you back at, give them a pay phone number and wait for a
bit. If they don't go for the call back stuff, and you really have balls, go
meet the towing company at the spot and sign the owner's name.
#079 EMAIL BOMBING. By The Last Viking.
An easy way to create an "email-bomb" is to alter your ".forward" file [on a
UNIX system account] to forward a copy of the received mail to your mark,
and to yourself again. This can simply be done by making a ".forward" file
that contains the following text: [your mark's email address], [your email
address.] This loop will run until you change or remove the ".forward" file.
WARNING! Read the alt.revenge FAQ before you do anything stupid on Inet.
#080 SEX MAGAZINES. By Alistair MacGuines and Dillotex.
Go to a kinko's copies etc. - any one of them that has a label printer, and
who have this doc's office name, address, zip, etc ["borrow" one of the
waiting-room mags and copy label on back] get a few labels printed out. Then
go to your friendly neighbourhood sex shop and buy the same number of mags
"kinky letters"/etc. [nastier the better] put the labels on the sex mags,
and go to the waiting room, grab a couple mags, and when you put them back,
make sure to put the sex mags under the pile.
--
I had a bitch teacher, and my friend and I collaborated on a pornographic
comic strip we called "Peter Penis, Master Detective". The first one was
called "The case of the missing Coke bottles." We'd leave it laying on her
desk when no-one was looking. It drove her absolutely bat-shit trying to
figure out who was doing it.
#081 TROUBLESOME SISTER. By Deacon, Digitar, Alabama Boo and Robert Goodwin.
Put a letter in your room saying she/he was adopted. Find the name and
address of an adoption agency. Make the letter formal and put something in
their saying,
Dear (Name of mother and Father),
It has come to our attention that your adopted daughter's
biological mother has a tragic case of (whatever) which was not discovered
until this date. etc,.
Put it in your room and then see what happens.
NOTE: I don't mean anything against anyone who is adopted.
--
When you come home, one thing you can do while she's out of the house for
a while, is to turn everything around. That is, everything that faces the
wall will face the other way. Tack some of the stuff to the ceiling. Take
her drawers of stuff, and mix them around. Take her clothes, and make it
look like she's running away from home, and tell your mom and dad about
it. Put her prized possessions somewhere else, and claim that you have
the feeling that she's going to commit suicide.
--
If she is young, her acceptance with her peers is of prime importance. Do
something to embarrass her in front of her friends. Ruin her reputation,
like running around the cafeteria at her school asking for he because "she
forgot to take her lunch today". Dress geeky. Smell. Make sure it's a large
paper grocery bag with her name written (first and last) on the side. Ask as
many random people as possible. She'll choke.
--
You could just try leaving an EPT pregnancy test just lying around if you
want to play with her mom's mind.
#082 BLOCKING A DOOR WITH COINS. By Kenneth Mayer.
Push on the top of the door and insert a stack [usually 2 or 3 is enough] of
coins between the door and the jamb stop. Now push a bit harder on the
bottom of the door and insert a stack of coins between the door and the jam
stop at the bottom. This actually bends the door and puts an incredible
amount of pressure on the latch. It is impossible to turn the knob to open
the door.
If you happen to be the mark and want to escape, you need to apply some
torque to the doorknob and kick the door near the latch very hard. This
momentarily flexes the door and relieves the pressure on the latch, allowing
it to move.
This scheme works best with solid-core wooden doors and steel jambs, which
are commonly used in college dormitories.
#083 A TOOTHBRUSH UP THE ASS. By William Barker.
Someone came into their hotel room while they were gone and got some serious
non-destructive revenge. They didn't know it until they got home and
developed their film. Among their lovely pictures of sunsets and palm trees
was one with a close-up of two big hairy asses [balls a dangling.] No big
deal, you might say. However, the kicker was that sticking out of the
assholes were the handles of each of their toothbrushes!
#084 CRICKETS. By ROCO1
My favorite office revenge is releasing a bag of crickets late in the
afternoon. Crickets are cheap and readily available at your local petshop.
When released, they happily assist you by seeking dark hiding locations.
About an hour later, they express their gratitude for being saved from some
pet snake by performing a cricket symphony.
#085 DONATIONS. By ROCO1.
Pledge money under the mark's name and business to every charity, religious
group, and political action possible. Examples are the United Way,
Girl-scouts, Jerry Lewis's favorite, NRA, Republican and Democratic parties,
and every Sunday morning preacher. All the above will then harass him for
payment. He will fell like a real loser when he refuses to pay.
If your mark wants to spend some bucks, have company Tee-shirts made up with
a bogus logo and his office telephone number. Send them as a donation to a
local homeless shelter under his name. Real funny when winos lay wasted on
the side walk his these shirts.
#086 SNOTTY WOMEN. By Dillotex.
Another friend sent a letter to a snotty women's parents which was actually
a model's release form asking the parents to sign the release for the
lingerie photos she modeled for you.
Of course the old reliable: Get (fake) an envelope and letterhead from a
local clinic and send her parents a letter letting her know that the a)
pregnancy, b)AIDS, c)VD, etc tests turned out negative [or positive if you
really want to do a trip on her.]
Variation: call and tell her mother/father that in order to comply with the
new state law, you must notify them of their daughter's intention to get an
abortion. Could they please come down to the XXXXX clinic and sign some
forms?
#087 X-RAYS AT AIRPORTS. By Rob Verzera.
Ed> The author of this article heard this on a late night show. I would
Ed> think that most people check their luggage before they leave town, still
Ed> this one didn't.
This guy caught his girlfriend in bed w/ another guy one day. He then went
to an adult-store and bought a huge dildo. After that he went home and
wrapped it about 2 roles of aluminum foil until it was the size of a brick.
He then took some black tape and put some tape around it. He had the key to
her apartment so one day before she was going on a trip he snuck into he
house and buried it in her carry on bag. He went down to that airport the
next day to watch the fun.
The suitcase went through the X-ray and was stopped. All sorts of guards
were called over to look at the package they then made her open the suitcase
and take out the foil brick. Some big Sargent guy came over and started
unwrapping the thing until her found the dildo. I guess they gave it back to
her and let her go back on her way.
#088 REVENGE ON A TEACHER. By Scott Little.
Go to her homeroom class and put something embarrassing in her desk [think
about it - we once put a condom on a teachers desk, blown up. Be a bit more
severe.] When the teachers change, the new teacher will come in and most
likely find the "object."
#089 JELLO. By ROCO1.
For schools located in cooler climates this trick works wonders. Boil some
Jello, let cool but not solidify, pour on any tile [bathroom, doomroom
floor] at night. Morning result - thin layer of Jello very difficult to
remove even with a scraper.
#090 THE DOLLAR BILL. By BrianN3UKG.
One thing that I have done, that gets a heterosexual friend good, is to take
dollar bills and write a little message along the edge. I wrote a message
that said "Men seeking men call Joe Daniels at (301) 428-3547". I tried this
one mark, and it is great to hear him talk about the faggit that called him
last night and wonder how he got his number.
#091 BLUE PLATE SPECIAL. By Richard Snow.
Load a paper plate with cottage cheese or another milk product that spoils
nicely. Put another paper plate on top of it and seal-tape them well. Now,
take the plates and hide them a place where your mark won't find them until
a long time has gone, by then it will be all molded and disgusting.
#092 CALL GIRL CARPET BOMB. By Patrick Jost.
This technique is a courtesy of a guy I met at a tireshop. Most large cities
have a paper that has a section called something like "adult services" which
is nothing more than ads for prostitutes; if you can't find this paper, look
in the yellow pages under massage or escort. Most of them use answering
services, voice-mail, or beepers.
Call a few of them, leave the name and ph.no of someone you want to mess
with. This works best if someone else might answer the phone, but it also
works well enough if the person answers their own phone. In any case,
they'll start to get some interesting calls. To really make this effective,
you need to call enough of them to make sure that your victim gets lots of
calls.
When this was done at the tire shop...sure enough, the phone would ring,
they would shout "Hey, Phil, a call on the main line"; Phil [or whatever his
name was] would come out to the counter and say "huh? what? me? no, uh, I
didn't...wow, no, sorry" and hang up. He got a few of these calls, I'm sure
he wondered what was going on.
#093 PRANK CALLERS. By Richard Payne, Dan Sutton, Israel Silverman and
James Martin.
When we had a bunch of kids calling and hanging up, making stupid noises,
etc., etc. always around the same time after school got out, it usually was
the same time my 2 year-old went for a nap. Of course the calls woke her up.
It wasn't my house so I was limited to what I could do about it. Amongst the
piles of toys I spotted a whistle. Just a regular, plastic, cheap-o one.
Hmmm, I thought. Considering my daughter was up anyway, I waited for the
next call. It came and so did the crap on the other end. I took a deep
breath, and blew until all the air in my lungs was gone. Then I listened, I
swear I could hear them shaking their heads on the other end.
Later there was this woman who'd gotten our number on her phone bill for
about 25 calls, she called me, and I explained the prank calls to her; she
was pissed.
--
One night a few years ago I had a couple of teenagers calling repeatedly.
When they called at about 11:00 PM and started their speil, I said. "Hold on
a second. I have a caller ID hooked into my computer, and now I know where
you are calling from. So you had better run to all your doors and lock them.
Then you better turn on all your lights, and by the way stay away from the
windows because I am coming over there tonight." The next morning they
called me back and apologized !
--
One thing to do is talk softly for a few seconds, so that he cups the phone
in his ear. Then blast.
--
Tape a very long boring musical piece onto your answering machine tape, the
jerk will get so bored listening to the Muzak, that he will just hang up,
but be sure it is boring, if it is something even remotely interesting, then
he may stay on the line to listen. If you don't have any long boring Muzak.
Tape some white noise off the TV or static off of the radio.
#094 THE BANK BOX. By The Cheshire Cat.
My personal favorite is to get a safe deposit box at the branch of the bank
that fucked you over [which is pretty much ANY bank in the world. It's how
they make their money, but that's another story.] Anyways, get the box, a
small one will do and put several fish in it, then walk away.
After a few days, you can imagine what that place will smell like. Of
course, the bank will have your name and number and beg you to remove it.
Remind them of the cash that was stolen and try to negotiate with them.
Eventually, they can open the box without your permission, but it takes a
while.
Ed> The situation above were that the bank had stolen money from the one
Ed> seeking revenge.
#095 SPAM. By The Last Viking, Michael Lamb and Stuart.
There are many ways to fight spammers, but many of them are unfortunately
not much effective as these messages are constantly being sent from
different people/organizations.
Things you can do, such as mail-bombs, threats, bounche reply (empty reply,
or just send their letter back) might work if the originator isn't using a
forged address, or if he hasn't "lost" his account. The spammer would in any
way, have to give you a telephone number, web-url, etc,. for you to purchase
his product. Use this as a link to reach the spammer, and if you have to,
take the revenge into the real world.
When the spam is being sent to a Usenet group, you should either cancel the
article (if you know how to do that), and/or commence revenge through email,
telephone, etc,.
--
As I received this crap in my mailbox today. I took their 800 number and
made out your own phone sex spam, and send it to the alt.sex.* groups.
"HOT SEX TALK, ABSOLUTELY FREE, NO HIDDEN CHARGES, NO 900 NUMBER CALL-BACK,
NO CREDIT CARDS REQUIRED - CALL (1-800-351-8085) AND TALK TO A WET AND HORNY
BABE!"
--
I usually send the following to the poster, the three addresses below and
the posters sysadmin, including original message and attachments. Apologies
are forthcoming within days, which evidently are a requirement to avoid
prosecution from the agencies below. The 1040 address keeps coming back
failed mail, but the other two get through:
"You have posted an illegal pyramid scheme and/or chain letter on the
usenet.
Your post has been forwarded to:
- Bureau of Consumer Protection (bbroder@ftc.gov)
- Fraud Dept. of IRS (1040fraud@irs.gov)
- National Fraud Information Center (nfic@internetmci.com)
These agencies are interested in unreported taxable income and fraud in
general. In your posting you claimed large incomes - this will be of
interest to the IRS - you can look forward to an audit!
Your postmaster has also been notified of your illegal actions - you can
probably look forward to having your account closed."
#096 WRECKING UP A COMPUTER ACCOUNT. By The Last Viking.
If your mark has forgot to logout, or if you have the password to his
Internet account, then you have a lot of things you can do to wreck havoc.
You may start of by uploading illegal software to any public-domain FTP
site. If you can find a FTP site held by a software company, then that's
awesome. The sysop of the site will start looking into it when he realizes
that the uploaded software is pirated.
Post many news articles to newsgroups like alt.test,mist.test etc. The mark
will get auto replies from the servers that has these groups in the coming
days. Crosspost articles to other articles as well. If you do not know what
to write, just type "meow" or something - that's not popular.
Post an article to rec.pets.cats, telling them how much you enjoy to drive
over cats. Also post insulting articles to similar groups, like
talk.environment and such. If this is going to have an effect, then the
groups you are posting to must be only the serious ones. You can also post
GIF/JPG pictures to serious newsgroups. Crosspost on many different
newsgroups, and post pictures that are big and needs to be posted in many
parts. Be obnoxious, or post radical meaning [support of child abuse etc.]
or you can simply offer people green cards or another product. You can also
use the Greek program that can be found on TAFP.
Email his sysadm, tell him that e.g. you're ending your studies and that you
don't need the account anymore. If he's on AOL or NetCom, tell the adm. that
you're selling your PC or changing provider.
If you have any hacker-scripts/programs, then use them. Try to break in
somewhere or run programs like Cracker on the user's system.
Send threatening email to other users. Tell them you're going to kill them,
or that you are dreaming of doing so. Maybe you can find a secondary mark
that you've wanted to get revenge on for a long time. I would not advice
sending one to the president of US, but I know your mark would be in deep
shit if you did.
Overwrite the quota on the account. Then write chmod -R 000 * [makes
everything write and read protected.] To flood the account, you can either
download stuff from a FTP site or you can use the disc-eater program found
on TAFP. Yes, I am talking UNIX accounts here.
Flood a mailinglist or subscribe to one. The mark will then have to search
through documentation to find how to unsubscribe. If you flood a
mailinglist, then I can guarantee there will be trouble.
Just remember one thing - if you're gonna do any of this, then I advice you
to not telnet to the account from your own account. If you do have to telnet
to the account, I suggest you find an open telnet terminal [often there are
terminals with telnet access where you can telnet out without writing your
own password and username.] I advice you to be careful about using modem to
logon to the account. The best thing is if you can logon to a terminal at
school, then play for a while, then get the hell out of there.
Pretend that you're offering to sell e.g., child-porn or any other unpopular
item. Find a secondary mark, write his real address and post to news or use
a robot to pick email addresses from news.
Another way is to enter, in the .forward file. Your email address and one of
a secondary mark. Like:
[your email address], [your providers email address]
WARNING! Read the alt.revenge FAQ before you do anything stupid on Inet.
#097 TELEMARKETEERS. By Tmel, Kellie, The Last Viking, Michael P. Johnson,
The Green Jesus and Iollus.
Once I just started asking all kinds of dumb questions about the product
like as if I was really uneducated. It took about nine minutes before they
gave up, they really hung up on me!! I used the *69 call back thing, and
demand to talk to the manager. When I got the manager on the line, I started
bitching about the "rude treatment" I had received. The callback cost me
about 75 cents, but it was well worth it hearing the manager get mad.
--
When the telemarketeer is a woman, I tend to ask her to describe her
panties, if she masturbates and if she enjoy anal sex, etc. They usually
tell me that I'm sick then hang-up, but I've actually had a couple of ladies
who were happy to answer my questions.
Sometimes telemarketeers may ask for "the lady of the house". When they do,
I begin to sob as I explain that she was killed in an automobile accident
the preceeding day, and I ask if this is some sort of sick joke. It is great
fun to listen to their reaction.
Occasionally I might ask the telemarketer if they are really so pathetically
ignorant that the only job they can get is harassing people on the telephone
for sub-human wages.
--
Telemarketeers, is there any creature on earth who're more annoying? [Ed>
Well, I am one..] - Well, there're always good ploys on how to meet them.
Talking first very silently, then yell out is a popular method to meet
telephone terrorists. A different approach is bubbletalking with them
[pretend you're drunk or something]. Or one can simply end the conversation
fast by saying, "Oh, fooled you. This is [your]'s answering machine, leave a
message after the beep." or something.
--
Tell them you are very interested in their offer, But that you are very busy
at the moment. Ask for their home number, and tell them you will call them
there later. When they say ''No, sorry blahblahblah'' Then say to them
sternly "OH, so you don't want anyone bothering you at home huh?" and hang
up.
Tell them "Hold on. I am going to get the cordless phone, so I can continue
this conversation while I use the restroom." Pause for a second or two and
then continue. If they didn't hang up, make grunting sounds plopping and
make sure you flush the toilet a few times. If they don't hang up by now,
make comments like "I don't remember eating corn?" and "can someone get me
some toilet paper." If that doesn't get them, then tell them to call back
later because the toilet overflowed and you need to clean it up.
If you know you are being called by a scam telemarketer. Act all surprised
and stuff. If they offer a trip to Florida, or to somewhere where there is a
beach, ask them if they have wheelchair access to the beach. Tell them you
are a homosexual and very publicly affectionate (if they are the same sex
tell them they sound cute over the phone or something.) If the prize is
money, tell them that you are not interested in their "chump change" or
"pocket change" and that wouldn't even cover one of your all night party
expenses.
I like to keep them on the line as long as I can to waste their time. If a
question they ask requires an immediate response, tell them to hold for a
minute to answer the door. Wait 5 minutes then pick back up and tell them to
repeat what they were just talking about. Keep it going for as long as you
can. When they spend all that time on you and they don't get a sale they (or
their employer) lose money.
If they are selling a product, ask if it is made in Taiwan or Japan (etc..),
if it is give them a lecture about child slave labor, and how you lost your
job to an overseas company.
--
Screw with their minds. When they call, ask them if they will do the work on
a dirt house. Ask if the maintaince guys would mind retrieving your 2 pet
slugs that escaped into the basement, and have since multiplied.
You can also tell them you're not allowed to talk to anyone until your
assault case has been heard. Then just hang up.
Another solution is to ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number.
They will probably ask you why you need their home number, or something to
that effect, just tell them you want to think over buying the product and
will call them when you make up your mind [probably around 3AM.]
--
Pretend to be really fired up about their product. Then, when the time comes
to close the purchase, try to use your Sears card or Zellers card something
that is not viable currency, then insist that the company is at fault for
not taking that card.
#098 CAR ALARMS By Shane
Write a message on a piece of paper, wrap the paper around a brick and place
the brick on top of the bonnet/hood of the offending car whose alarm
constantly goes off. The message could be something like, "Next time your
alarm goes off, this brick will go through your window - Prick."
#099 EX-BOY/GIRLFRIENDS. By Panhead.
A good idea, if you want to get even with your former boyfriend who left you
for another woman, is to meet up at one of his appearances being pregnant --
even a pillow tucked inside should cause enough damage -- and demand
satisfaction. After talking to him, talk to his new found love, then leave.
Ed> This should be done within a proper time after the breakup.
------------------------------------------ Norway, Troms�, 28. December 1996
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