OYS #1

Started a month ago but this is my first OYS.

39yo, 5'-6", 150, BF ~19%. Long term partner is 40yo. 1 daughter is 5. 1 step-daughter who is 16.

Have been on a personal trainer workout plan for the last 4 months. Have been building up better form but haven't been pushing my limits yet (I need to tell my trainer this).

Read: MMSL, BOP, NMMNG, MAP, SGM, SLSM

Reading: WISNIFG, WOFSM

Plan: Building the life I want and giving her the opportunity to come with me


Looking Better

I have started to get addicted to working out because I'm liking the results I'm getting. I set myself up with dumbbells in my garage and have been able to increase my workout frequency by a lot with the convience of that. Going to personal training sessions once a week.

Expanding Social Life

I have been reaching out to friends that I have lost contact with and setting up more social events. I have been playing soccer and have been trying out other sports/physical activites too. It's been great, but my daughter just caught covid so we are back to quarantining again which is depressing. I have been proactive in organizing trips with friends for the next couple weeks and I like being the leader and setting everything up.

Identifying Bad Habits

I am seeing some of my bad habits more clearly. I tended to let her organize family trips and book flights, and I'm taking that over and handling it now. I'm being firm with my decision making now. I also stopped masturbating for the last month, and I've seen my testosterone skyrocket as a result. It's been good... I'm seeing how that has been a substitute for a healthy amount of sex, and it's been making me want to go out more.

Taking The Lead

After a huge dry spell, I started with taking her out on a date where I didn’t tell her what we are doing ahead of time, and she loved this. Great way to lead and for her to get in the following mindset. I immediately got a huge response and had a week of great sex. Her mindset definitely was responding to me— I stayed in frame.

We hit shark week and I hunkered down and stuck to improving myself. Have been doing lots of kino during the day and our overall energy towards each other has been great. But the initial sex frenzy wore off.

I’m working on the basics again, lifting, more social life outside of the house, maintaining a leader frame. But my escalations have been kindly rejected more and more again. I’ve taken it well— gone and done other things or went out. But I definitely still have some work to be done.

Problem Areas

She has some problems with alcohol, and I confronted her about it a few months back. Told her it was not okay, and that something needs to change. She knows she has this issue, and is planning on doing a dry January. But I'm going to tell her that it needs to start NOW.

She has depression issues, and is grieving the death of her father 8 months ago. But I've made the decision that alcohol can't be her crutch anymore, at least not with me still in the relationship. I'm carefully approaching this without going full nuclear, but I will escalate to that shortly if I don't see a change.

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