OYS #2

39yo, 5'-6", 150lbs, BF ~19%. Long term partner is 40yo. 1 daughter is 5. 1 step-daughter who is 16.

Have been on a personal trainer workout plan for the last 4 months but have been traveling this week, so have been falling behind. Sit-ups and push-ups only at the moment.

Read: MMSL, BOP, NMMNG, MAP, SGM, SLSM

Reading: WISNIFG, WOFSM

Plan: Building the life I want and giving her the opportunity to come with me

Looking Better

The holidays have definitely made my workout plans harder and holiday eating has not helped. I found a yoga mat at the house I’m staying at so I’m getting my push-ups and sit-ups in today but that’s about it. Next week when I’m back I will catch up.

Expanding Social Life

I went with my partner to visit her family in the Midwest and I’m realizing just how much I have always deferred to her on these trips. But this time I’m leading where I can. Setting my alarm to get us up at the right time, driving us around without needing directions, being as sociable as I can with her family. I did mess up yesterday as we were all going to dinner and I assumed someone had organized it. But nobody called ahead and the restaurant had to scramble to fit us all in. Next time I will lead and make sure I call ahead.

Better Habits I have been doing more push-pull with her recently— teasing her, kino, random tickling, to maintain a more flirtatious vibe. But haven’t been able to escalate effectively this week. She often gets into a different mood late at night and gets more hostile. Last night I was spooning her and she said something along the lines of, “No more tickling like you’ve been doing all day”. It’s like the vibe suddenly changes at night to be cold. I played it off as a shit test but didn’t escalate further.

Of course I want to sneak off like we used to when we were younger and make out somewhere while staying at a relative’s house.

Taking The Lead Have been noticing the different mindset of taking the lead in all things and have notified how much I let her lead in the past when it came down to trips to see her family. I’ve been working on acting as if I was on the trip alone and having our next action planned out in my head ahead of time. I’m seeing her let her guard down and trust in my lead more.

Also have been hanging out with the patriarch of a side branch of her family— he’s a great natural alpha and I’ve been seeing some of his habits. He’s got a great low voice which cuts through a conversation, and he has a great way of subtly putting his wife in her place without being too much of a sick about it. Just a lot of definitive “no” when she would say something he didn’t agree with.

Problem Areas

Family events are pretty difficult terrain to try and escalate anything— feels like hard mode on hard mode. But I’m still working on maintaining frame.

She is still planning on doing an alcohol free January, so I’m looking forward to that. I plan on letting her do that on her own and offer support where needed, and hopefully she completes the whole month.

I am leading up to a main event though where I confront her about alcohol and give her an ultimatum about needing to stop the overuse.

It’s tricky because there are times that she drinks responsibly and is perfectly fine in social situations. But there are other times where she goes too far, and often it’s drinking at home alone, and then she goes to a bad place. I would love it if she could pull back to just the “responsible” drinking, but since it’s so hard to quantify that, I feel like I’m going to have to push for the full sobriety, at least for the immediate future.

This post has been viewed 138 times.