OYS #4

Stats: 39yo, 5'6", 150lbs, BF 16.2% (Strongur.io seems to think I'm lower than my previous calc). Long term partner is 40yo. Daughter is 5. Step-daughter is 16.

Lifts

Transitioning into 5x5 lifts when at gym. SQ 6x5 175, BP 5x5 145, BR 5x7 110.

Have a dumbbell routine when at home:

Dumbbell Chest Press 90 x 15, One Arm Rows 45 x 15, Squats with bicep curls 25 x 12, Tricep extension 40 x 12, Forearm Curls 20 x 12, Ab routine

Read

MMSL, BOP, NMMNG, MAP, SGM, SLSM

Reading

WISNIFG, WOFSM, Bang

Slow Week

It's been a low week as I caught a cold-- in the past I tended to quarrantine myself on the worst days of it, but realized that would leave her responsible for everything else. So I've been powering through it-- taking the kids to and from school, working, getting shit done.

She has been doing a dry January which I've been very supportive of, as she needs to get a handle on her alcohol use (she uses it as a crutch for grief and as a habit for anxiety relief at the end of the day). So I've been purposely going slow with dread this week, but am starting to slowly ramp it up.

I initiated a couple times at the beginning of the month and was met with soft no's related to her sobriety ("I just need some time while I get used to this"). Kind of a BS excuse I know, but I didn't press it as her sobriety is the priority right now. I left and did other things around the house and kept the mood pretty neutral.

I've been mulling over what needs to be my stance on her alcohol use after January. She isn't the stereotypical "alcoholic" like you would picture, like with withdrawls and everything, and most times she can drink and handle it fine. But she just has certain nights where she drinks on her own to cope with something else, or just ends up being irresponsible with it in social situations, and goes overboard.

She has mentioned that after January maybe she needs to stop all drinking at home, and save it for only social situations. I would be okay with this, as long as she accepts my lead in these situations as I can recognize when she is getting to the point of no return. We will need to have a discussion about this.

Dancing Monkey

I've been doing improvements for a few months, and I had some great results back in November. After a long dry spell, I took her on a date where I didn't tell her anything about it beforehand-- just to dress up. And I took her to an immersive theater event-- something that was exciting and a little scary and got her out of the usual boring routine. I led the whole time and by the time we got home, the dynamic had changed completely. She was sexually adventurous and took my lead completely-- and this dynamic stuck for a week. But then shark week hit and things cooled down, and we reverted back to our old dynamic. So I'm recognizing the telltale signs of Dancing Monkey Attraction Improvement Programme.

Now I'm definitely in the Second Anger Phase. I'm finding myself frustrated that things were great and now they're not, and I want to push dread faster. I've had a taste of how things can be, and I have some plans on what to do moving forward.

Things I Have Been Improving On

I have been maintaining a more constant kino, have been maintaining a leader frame, and have been owning my shit and getting things done, and have been noticing a few light hearted minor shit tests from her which I have been passing. Her vibe with me has become flirty again after a few days of nothing.

Things I Need to Improve On

This week I have been going over a lot of my past, and realized how clueless I have been for a long time. I never got over approach anxiety in my single days, so my relationships have always been with women that I met through friends (all but one--I did have one relationship that came from a cold approach). I want to be completely comfortable with approaching, and with knowing that I always have other options outside of my LTR.

My partner has even let it slip in the past that she finds it incredibly attractive when other women are interested in me. Also let it slip that anger is an aphrodesiac for her. So it seems like all signs are pointing towards me ramping up my game with other women.

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